Match Reports



Match Reports

11th August 2022
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V&A v Bacchus XI

Saturday 6th August saw a new opposition debut at Stonor as the V&A had the absolute pleasure of hosting the Bacchus XI. Youthful, charming, and bringing a certain glamour with them as there were a couple more X chromosomes on the pitch than the reactionaries of the V&A are accustomed to. Bacchus, as we all know, is the Roman god of agriculture and wine. Associated with drama and the theatre he is often depicted accompanied by priapic satyrs and delicate nymphs. How fitting that Lachlan was selected, and that Nick C was making his post injury come back appearance. Patrick, the Bacchus skipper, got the trowel out early stressing they really were mainly here for the wine (and nymphs) and were not a strong side. Apparently, they had recently been thrashed by a school team, although it wasn’t made clear if it was a boys school. Rob T, our fecund […]
10th August 2022
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V&A v Jesmond Jaguars

As both the V&A and the Jesmond Jaguars descended on Stonor, cloud cover had gathered in the humid air. Google tells me that Jesmond is an “upscale suburb” in Newcastle, with “posh clothing boutiques and cafes” and “chic cocktail bars” (the Roundhay of Newcastle but without any future Conservative party leader to tarnish its reputation). For a moment I thought it an honour to have a team travel so far, from such a seemingly utopian place to play the humble V&A. I then learnt that none of the team actually live in Newcastle, and they just happened to go to university there and play rugby together. This disappointment set aside, Christiaan’s (7-1-40-1) eyes lit up at a chance to start off the bowling in the cloudy conditions, after we either won or lost the toss. He started a tidy spell, with his first five overs going for only 15. In […]
26th July 2022
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V&A v. Turville Park CC

Adam was on skipper duties and carrying his responsibility with a gravity and focus akin to his preparation routine before each ball bowled. The effort required by skipper to muster a team at this time of year when holidays are starting and fewer regulars are available for selection can leave one somewhat sanguine. It usually means calling in favours and running an indiscriminate dragnet across the growing V&A contact list.   All became apparent in the team sheet. Two father-and-son combinations and Wayland appearing for his first game of the season having been caught in the dragnet.  Another tell was the number of arriving V&A players appearing at the door of the visitors changing room with an expression of uncertainty that they might have been directed to the wrong place given they recognised nobody donning their whites. This followed by the numerous introductions and efforts by all to try and […]
25th July 2022
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V&A v. Wine Trade CC

This week the V&A hosted the Wine Trade. They were captained by Ed. Ed is from the Christiaan school of cricket and wears a white shirt along with the traditional whites. That is as far as the similarities go. Ed prefers a Charles Tyrwhitt number, whereas Christiaan is more of a TM Lewin man (echoing the decades’ old debate experienced throughout the professional services industry). I am personally ambivalent and wait for the best deal. For those that are interested, you can pick up 4 shirts for £139 at Charles Tyrwhitt at the moment and 4 for £140 in T M Lewin. I remember when I first started working it was 4 shirts for £120. Talk about inflation. Both teams were saved a raw vegan lunch (my wheelhouse) by Sarah Jenkins. Other staples were also preserved. Nick wore horrendous green shoes (which should be put in the bin), Lachlan batted 6 […]
19th July 2022
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V&A v. Thebertons

  We hosted the esteemed Therberton’s this week, run by Tim Young QC. We’ve been playing the “Thebs” (not to be confused with Thots, who Joe has acquainted himself with in Valencia) for 35 years and is often a tantalising fixture. The Thebs are pure class – their skipper, Paddy, was reeking with enthusiasm on email as we discussed the game midweek, and the team helped to clear the tables and stack the dishwasher (much to the delight of Steph Bird, who I had begged Tom to rope in for a second week in a row of catering). Steph, again, thank you, you’ve earned a well-deserved break.    Fresh from my success playing two-up down under last year (an Australian gambling game involving a coin), I won the toss and opted to bat on a scorcher of a morning. The UK is apparently in the middle of a “high pressure […]
7th July 2022
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V&A v Star CC (rematch)

The original fixture, Top Knockers, pulled out. So we had a rematch against Star CC. Star CC are a great bunch and have saved us on a few occasions now, coming over from east London at the last hour. Even better, they reliably provide a full service, letting us win too.  The last fixture, in June, was won by the V&A, with Jonkers taking 3 wickets including 2 in 2 balls at the last, with Star needing only one run to draw. We had almost been defeated and needed to be at our best.  Tom Bird was skip and we bowled first, which is something of a novelty this year. Lachlan chose the Henley end and bowled with the wind, sending 4 overs down for 8 runs, most of which were overthrows. Adam Knight, 6 overs for 22, found a good length.  The scoreboard barely moved. Derewlany was behind the […]
3rd July 2022
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V&A v Royal Household X1

Our opponents this week were Her Majesty’s Royal Household, one of the revered (or inconvenient depending on how you look at it) away games that pop up in the V&A fixture list a few times a year. It seems remiss to leave match report duties to the only full-time Australian in the V&A squad (although we were charmed by Robbie Lawson, ex-V&A regular, this week) when I’m probably the least qualified to comment on Her Majesty. We are part of the Commonwealth and Nicky Bird once said I was “rather couth for an Australian”, but the fact remains in the land of convicts, ruffians and great cricketers, the Monarch is dreadfully irrelevant in most circles. Don’t show this to Frogmore, I want to come back and play next year.  We were quorate with 11 by Tuesday surprisingly (+ guests). We have struggled to get an XI together most weeks this […]
20th June 2022
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V & A vs Bandits

Cricket was not made easy this week as the Saturday weather forecast wavered throughout along with the list of names on the team sheet. Effervescent skipper Joe Tetlow powered on admirably regardless, taking on double duty as skipper and caterer, with a willing bunch (of 9) in tow.  Our opposition, hailing from Battersea, returned to Stonor no doubt with proud memories of a victory last season. What we were lacking in numbers we hoped to make up for in (relative) quality.  Due to our low numbers and some possible early departures, Tetlow informed us he was hoping to bowl to avoid costly gaps in the field later on. He then returned from the ceremonial toss in the middle proffering a straight but slightly unwelcome batting motion.  Adam Jacot was quick to encourage Joe not to play the humble captain and bat where he wanted and quite rightly he put himself […]
20th June 2022
LACHLAN AT STONOR, 24 AUG 2019

V&A v Chelsea Arts Club

Lachlan was skipper and not in a good mood. For an actor, I think he would make a poor poker player. He was stressed because his father was coming to watch (the first time in 20 years), and admitted as much.  We were playing the Chelsea Arts Club, one of our oldest fixtures. Jack NB, their former captain, has a loud dog which belies its size and is almost as badly behaved as Sarah Jenkins’ hound, which is saying something. Sarah was away, as was Nicky Bird. Jasper Arnold, who is traditionally a CAC player, but has played for the V&A on occasion, provided the catering (courtesy of his mother). Traditional buffet style, with lots of pork pies, a nod to his off-spin.  A declaration game was agreed, with a maximum of 20 overs after 5:30PM. We batted first and got off to a strong start, hitting 50 off the […]
10th June 2022
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V&A v The Townies & Country Folk XI

  Last week is almost always my favourite of the English sporting summer for several reasons.  Many of our number were at the first or second day of the Lord’s Test Match (as, for that matter, were many of the opposition) and Joe Tetlow even went back on Sunday to watch Rooty do his thaaang and for England to hunt down that rarest of beasts: Victory, from the gnashing jaws of defeat. The other reason it’s a firm favourite is that The Townies & Country Folk XI are such a joy to spend the day with. We’ve touched gloves with some rum coves this season, but faith has been restored thanks to George Winters and his band of Merry Men (quite literally).    It was pissing it down when we arrived at Stonor. Pete & Tom of the Townies were early-ish and huddling for cover under the pavilion. I noted […]