Match Reports
Match Reports
6th July 2024
The forecast was poor. England were playing in the European Championships at 5pm. When Lachlan pulled out in mid week, due to a bad back (which he didn’t want anyone to know about), I thought “here we go”. But actually, very few V&A players take any interest in football. In fact, Christiaan despises it. “Ah, we’re suffering a pincer movement on the cricket owing to bad weather and the footy, are we?” he guffawed in the changing rooms. We were going to have to play. The pitch squelched underfoot and there were puddles on the square, but the beauty of the hallowed turf at Stonor is it dries fucking quickly. A tactical early lunch was called and an afternoon T25 was agreed with Alistair Metcalfe (skipper of A Few Good Men). Lunch was an assortment of beef, salami, sausage rolls, hard boiled eggs, potato salad, tomato salad, but no booze […]
29th June 2024
Facial hair tells us a lot about a man. And a lot about cricketers. There is the lazy stubble of the ultra-cool. Though, admittedly, this can double as the lazy stubble of the increasingly moribund. There is of course the villainous “moustachio” worn as part of a wider assembly of beard, twirled occasionally when batsmen take liberties. A look favoured perhaps by second hand booksellers. One of the earliest documents of the usage of moustaches can be traced back to the Iron Age Celts. Graham Gooch took on the look. W.G Grace got carried away sadly and I think we can all agree that his great rhododendron of a beard was a bit de trop. Douglas Jardine, Jack Russell…we acknowledge the effort, but the originality feels strained. And Jack Russell is an awful painter. But then there is the “Woke Wayne Larkins”. The perfect moustache. It involves a nod to […]
22nd June 2024
Bacchus XI are, by now, regulars at Stonor. It is the cricket team for former members of the Oxford University Wine Society. The team’s name, purpose and location suggests frenzied rites and undergraduate revelry of a now unfashionable kind. Such associations do not, however, spring immediately to mind on shaking hands at the start of the day with Patrick Hudson, the team’s articulate and self-deprecating captain, a writer for “The Tablet”. The discussion that followed was a diplomatic assessment as to how we might maximise the cricket and enjoyment of the day to follow for all concerned. The chosen mechanism was a modified time game – 80 overs for the day with a maximum of 42 overs for V&A as the team batting first, with the option to declare at any time. Bacchus hitherto have not fielded strong teams at Stonor. However, they more than compensate with the exuberance and […]
8th June 2024
Given the fact that the V&A has, finally, entered the 21st Century and begun using a WhatsApp ‘Noticeboard’ for weekly selection (the metrics of which I had to explain to Jacot, Jonkers and Bird Snr.) you might be forgiven for thinking that we are in danger of becoming a ‘modern’ cricket club. You would be entirely mistaken. Jonkers still wears flannels and uses his silk tie as a cummerbund, like some regimental pre-partition sahib. He also fields in round, tortoise-shell spectacles; he assures me that this is purely for aesthetic reasons. One of our number was partially responsible for The Hundred, but he issued an apology and has been forgiven. Nicky Bird’s humour roots him firmly in the 1890s. We aren’t modern because we do still, albeit rarely, play that rarest form of cricket: the timed game. Do people understand it? Not anymore. Does that matter? Not unless you’re […]
1st June 2024
This game was about the sixteenth iteration of a fixture which has its origins in the connection between our erstwhile tea lady and doyenne of the side of cold roast beef, Sarah Jenkins and the Winters family. Martin Winters had bought Sarah’s house in Cornwall and as a consequence had been introduced to Nicky Bird. I can only assume that Martin wasn’t firing on all cylinders at the time as it is reported that he found Nicky both polite and amusing and suggested that his son, George, who had recently moved to Wargrave, gather a team to play the V&A. In the early days their team was made up of George’s school friends and a rag tag of fellows from nearby Wargrave, who were for the most part, not very good at cricket. They always won the toss, but seldom the match. One one occasion that had the misfortune to come […]
25th May 2024
The V&A season moved on to the last fixture for May and probably the first fixture where everything came together suitably – pitch, temperature, sunshine and a full complement of players. Rob Taylor was this week’s incumbent as captain, tackling all of the accompanying duties with energy and diligence. His first challenge was to find 11 players on a Bank Holiday weekend. In this, he was more than successful; 12 turned up on the morning. Christy’s friend Irwin Sharif, one of the first to arrive, stepped aside with equanimity for young Charlie Knight, although the swap had little impact on the average age of the V&A team. The tactful note in the scorebook records the toss as “uncontested”. Invalids batted first. James Anderson was recently given a firm nudge to retire at 41. Brendon McCullum considered him too old to open the bowling for more than a match or two. […]
11th May 2024
It used to be said that village cricket matches, and it doesn’t get much more village than the sort of cricket we play, were won and lost on the telephone: those feverish calls made in the days leading up to a game to gather a team. Then came email and now it simply a matter of posting a request on the newly minted V&A WhatsApp group and watch the numbers come rolling in. But this works both ways. By Tuesday both sides had ten men with every prospect of a full game. By Friday afternoon, an unsettled weather forecast and some lilly-livered sentiment had meant it was down to eight and nine and the viability of the fixture was being called into question. When it comes to matters meteorological, I am usually first port of call. How being local to Stonor should give me a special insight into something as unpredictable as the British […]
4th May 2024
For those not gallant enough to brave cricket in April this was the opening game of the season. I heard reports from enduring caterer/administrator Steph Bird of cold weather/unfinished beer and match lost. The day looked safe from at least 2 of these as the V and A took on the Howitzers on a day mostly drenched in some very welcome sun. Tom Bird was skipper for the day and popped in David Pitlarge and Christy to open up, then checked the beer and wine stocks. Our openers played watchfully before Christy was out caught mistiming a shot off what was a slightly sludgy pitch. Tetlow strolled in and fairly promptly got caught in some running confusion with David who was run out. This was by no means the first or worst of these of the day. But we’ll get to that. I went to console Joe and have a […]
1st October 2023
Royal Household CC 214-2 (41 overs) (T Mellor 100 not out, A Hawkesworth 100), The V & A 30 (Mandip Sohi 5-3). Forgettable or unforgettable? That is the question. How long will this loom large? How long will it hurt? What will those who didn’t play make of this, the most feeble of responses on record from a V+A batting X1? How will some of you, grandfathers to be, pass this down? One compensation for recording such a match is the range of adjectives justifiably on offer: from dire to diabolical, from abject to abismal. It was October and so a bonus game. I remember playing when September meant mud on the boots and leaves on the spikes. But today the sun even shone: physically at least. It all seemed idyllic and, once endless admin allowed us past the gunmen gatemen, we were soon all safely secluded in our security […]
19th September 2023
The ALL SORTS are named after a box of liquorice sweeties. Like Bassetts Liquorice Allsorts they’re a mixed bag. Some are butch and young, others not. David Pitlarge suggested, by the way, that I have a Manichean view of cricketers, they are either butch or effete. But there are exceptions and skipper Adam Jacot falls in between: his feminine side is dominant in the kitchen but his virility is apparent in his bowling and robust batting. His manliness was evident when a ball smacked him in the mouth. He retired reluctantly from the field, was patched up by the wonderful Emma and returned to his bowler’s mark, bloodied but uncomplaining. His captaincy was typically tactful, with late-order batsmen bowling and everyone getting a chance to do something, however badly. Adam’s fielding was as always languid, and generous to the batsmen. Christiaan and I had a chat about the […]