V&A XI: N. Constantine (c), A. Jacot, C. Jonkers, L. Nieboer, R. Taylor, T. Bird, B. Horan, J. Arnold (wk) D. Pitlarge, C. Kulasingham, Krutik

Given the fact that the V&A has, finally, entered the 21st Century and begun using a WhatsApp ‘Noticeboard’ for weekly selection (the metrics of which I had to explain to Jacot, Jonkers and Bird Snr.) you might be forgiven for thinking that we are in danger of becoming a ‘modern’ cricket club.

You would be entirely mistaken. Jonkers still wears flannels and uses his silk tie as a cummerbund, like some regimental pre-partition sahib. He also fields in round, tortoise-shell spectacles; he assures me that this is purely for aesthetic reasons. One of our number was partially responsible for The Hundred, but he issued an apology and has been forgiven. Nicky Bird’s humour roots him firmly in the 1890s.

We aren’t modern because we do still, albeit rarely, play that rarest form of cricket: the timed game.

Do people understand it? Not anymore. Does that matter? Not unless you’re the skipper.

But it keeps you engaged until the very last ball has been bowled. It also gives one hope when the wheels come off. And, believe me, they frequently do.

There were rumours that it was the twentieth anniversary of our fixture against Thebertons, but we decided in the pub after that it might have been a shade more. The weather was clement, the wicket was a fraction above sodden and the outfield had been rather neatly topped. On agreement, given that Thebertons were only nine at the toss, with some stuck in traffic (or late to rise) the V&A would bowl first and Theberton’s would bat as long as possible, with a declaration somewhere after 40 overs encouraged if that eventuality occurred.

Thebertons made a circumspect start against some tight bowling from Nieboer and Jonkers. Scoring options were scant and it was a pleasure to watch Nieboer charge in down the hill and bowl with genuine pace and no little guile. It is worth noting that he bowled the entire session from one end, eleven overs in total, and got progressively faster. For a man in his forties, it is an impressive feat. Rob Taylor twirled away from one end and bowled with his customary control.

57-2 at lunch off 20-ish overs. A slow start, but a solid platform for Thebertons to build on. The vittles were marvellous, courtesy of Steph Bird (I would include her husband, Tom Bird, but I’m not sure he knows how to hold a spatula). Pulled Pork, Baked Potatoes, a vegan option (modern) and other bits and pieces were gratefully received. Nicky’s lunchtime waffle was well judged. In this fixture last year, some umbridge may well have been taken by our guests. I forget why, but suffice it to say that some toys were flung very far from the pram. Nicky, thankfully, only picks on his own players.

After lunch, Thebertons got stuck in. Runs began to flow and their skipper reached a well judged half century. Wickets fell steadily to some decent V&A bowling, but the outcome was an innings of 168 declared after some 42 overs. A very competitive score from Thebertons given the state of the pitch, and the start they made.

Pitlarge, and debutant Krutik opened for the V&A. Krutik drove a ball on the up into the covers early, and was smartly caught. I was dismissed second ball for a lacklustre duck and we were 14-2. Pitlarge was then given out LBW, and we were 18-3. Jonkers came and went for not very many and we were 27-4. Taylor played the greatest lofted drive of his career and was caught at mid-off, first ball: 27-5… (you can see where this is going)

Luckily, we bat deep. Kulasingham anchored the fightback before he fell LBW to Gubbins. This brought together Bird and Arnold. Bird is not a blocker, he’s a dasher with terrific hand-eye and his runs were absolutely crucial. Arnold plays at his own tempo and is both solid in defence and punchy in attack. The score moved on.

Whoever scored the V&A innings must’ve given up on the ‘Fall of Wickets’ tally at some point because there’s no record of when the wickets fell after we went five down. Dear reader, I beg your indulgence (and some licence) here. Bird had his stumps rearranged and Arnold was out LBW.

58-7 from 14 overs. Defeat a certainty.

This brought Horan and Nieboer to the crease, with the V&A eight wickets down, in the 23rd over. It goes without saying that both are batsmen of quality. Horan is the batting equivalent of the ‘Resolute Desk’, and Nieboer would’ve been in the top order if he hadn’t bowled so many wonderful overs.

Runs came, slowly at first, but with increasing regularity. The bowling attack gently wilted and the V&A crept closer and closer to the target of 169. At 27 overs, The V&A were perilously poised at 106-8. Jacot, the last man, didn’t think he offered much should a wicket fall. Modesty prevented me from agreeing.

However, in a truly remarkable display of poise and punch, Horan and Nieboer shared a partnership of 72 for the 9th wicket to bring home victory for The V&A in 36 overs. Quite an extraordinary feat, without a shot in anger or a chance offered. Jacot suggested that we weren’t favourites until we needed under ten to win. I thought we were favourites all along. We bat deep.

The pub was a jolly affair.