Match Reports



Match Reports

19th October 2020
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End of Term Report – 2020

V&A CRICKET 2020 – END OF TERM REPORT BY THE CHAIRMAN, NICKY BIRD   COVID WREAKED HAVOC WITH THE FIXTURES but we had half a season, which the Stonor chaps thought impossible in early July, and so did not waste money and energy preparing a strip or the outfield. Worms enjoyed themselves, bunnies too. I came for a picnic at the pavilion at that time and the pitch was a field, seemingly returned to nature and poppies and clover and birds. It was desolate; no walkers about, not even Lachlan camping in the environs with his primer stove and pocket edition of Aeschylus. I wrote to the Telegraph pointing out the absurdity of cricket being banned while netball and outdoor gym was allowed. The crap about a cricket ball being a ‘vector’ was palpable nonsense (and so it proved). Boris read my letter and relented. Stonor worked miracles to return […]
25th September 2020
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V&A v GT’s

In the car, Nicky Bird chuntered on about how courtroom TV dramas fail to get the details right. Misuse of a gavel, no delineation between barrister and solicitor, a high court judge peering down from the bench at a shoplifter’s first hearing. It’s either a mistake, or they just can’t be bothered, he said. Against a growing tide of shortcuts and bitesize, there is a need for sticklers, like Nicky, to stand up and say “no, we’re not avin it guv”. In much the same way, long-form cricket on a Saturday in Stonor, is a tradition to be treasured and defended. It’s a holy grail. And as our Christiaan relic rightly pointed out (when their umpire enquired whether a ‘no-ball’ resulted in a ‘free hit’): “No!…this is PROPER cricket”. We were playing the GTs (see Phil Goodliffe’s email for background and more), captained by an amiable fellow in Miles Martin. […]
14th September 2020
OUT! Lachlan Nieboer has his man LBW

V&A vs. The Battersea Badgers

I gave Nick Derewlany a lift down to Stonor. He was unhungover which always surprises. We talked of the holocaust and the banality of evil, and then moved to weighty things like Brentford missing out on promotion. Nick’s family came from Lvov, a great mistake as it was on the old Polish/Russian border and bang in the way of Stalin’s tanks going west and Hitler’s going east. Droitwich is a safer bet. And the B4090 going through Droitwich has temporary traffic lights so it’s not ideal tank country. It was a gorgeous sunny day at Stonor. Two new players graced us: Owen Gundry and his 13-year-old son Otto. Otto bowls very nicely and will be a good bat. Owen is a set designer and designed the set for Jonathan Ross’s new show. But nobody’s perfect. Adam writes for airline magazines. You have to accept work where you can. Jonkers runs […]
7th September 2020
Rupert Retiring

On Rupert Morris retiring

For 20 years or more Rupert Morris has graced our game, and Kitty has graced the boundary with her pleasant banter and erudition. But not her culinary skills, at which she is ‘useless’; fortunately, Rupert is not. He can create saumon en croûte de pâte feuilletée even with a bottle of Muscadet inside him, such is his mastery of cuisine. His talents are legion – supremo of the written word, of the green baize, of Holmesiana, a distinguished journalist, Humanist celebrant and sometime publisher. Master of many trades, but not cricket alas. He came to it late, never really played at Eton or university. We scouted him while he was playing for the GTs, already middle aged, but capable of a quick opening 30 if catches were missed. The transfer was made because the V&A was not then and should not be about cricketing prowess, but about clubbability – and […]
25th August 2020
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V&A vs Stonor CC

Stonor Park, 23rd August 2020 Adam Jacot did a magnificent job in securing 11 good(ish) men for this crucial fixture against our hosts, Stonor CC. He also recruited a few for Saturday’s game. He proved those who doubted his organisational genius (me) wrong. We saw the return of noted all-rounder and economist Richard Woolhouse. He – and John Langley of the National Theatre who came to spectate – raise the tone, often lowered by the lumpenproletariat of Wargrave who make up our numbers. Langley talked of Pinter, whom he played cricket with – so much more edifying than the previous day’s banter about penile dysfunction. Stonor are our hosts and we are indebted to them for playing in such idyllic surroundings. So diplomacy suggests we should lose with grace (but not deliberately) in an exciting finish. There should be no vulgar appealing, no argy-bargy. With Christiaan Jonkers and his beard […]
11th August 2020
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V&A vs. Townies & Country Folk XI

  The Townies have been playing us for about 15 years. The connection is Sarah Jenkins, who sold her Cornwall house to the Winters family – George Winters is the Townies’ founder. They used to come with a collection of WAGS but now, as Adam Knight commented, they are more Ws than Gs, and they have 2.8 children apiece plus 4X4s. They make a jolly crowd and their picnic lunches looked better than mine (a BLT without the L or, as it turned out, the B). Lachlan’s lunch is top-of-the-range, a colour supplement melange of goodies, healthy green stuff with some exotic kernels from a banyang tree or something. No wonder he is super fit and bowls at 80 mph. Someone said he is the thinking woman’s thesp. But he is more than that. He can bat too, and with intelligence; some of us are a bit too cavalier. Incidentally, […]
26th July 2020
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V&A vs. Turville Park CC

This fixture was played at Turville Park Cricket Club The match v Turville Park was declared ‘on’ (around 9 am) by skipper Nick Derewlany, despite a dodgy forecast, because Turville had said we should play and etiquette thus demanded our presence. Adam Jacot, for one, looked at the sky, harumphed, reluctantly bolted his muesli, patted Emma and ‘sped’ down in his jalopy. He wished he hadn’t. Tom Bird was catching salmon on the Tweed, Jonkers was busy reading a book, Andy Jones was probably in the recovery position. Lucky them. I now eschew strong drink but not out of choice. I do not recommend it. Memory is better; I am not quite so repetitive but these things are marginal. Turville Park is where we used to play 40 years ago before moving to Stonor, for the better view and the cheaper pitch (only £25 then). There was a chestnut tree […]
20th July 2020
Warborough cc, Thu Mar 13, 2003,  4:18:03 AM,  8C, 5638x10884,  (1666+614), 150%, bent 6 stops,  1/20 s, R67.0, G52.3, B72.0

Awards Report, 2019 Season

V&A AWARDS FOR 2019 SEASON    V&A CRICKETER OF THE YEAR LACHLAN NIEBOER – top all-rounder, a titan with bat and ball, rivals the original Brycreem Boy, Denis Compton. Valued for his match-winning prowess, Olympia and acting ability on an off the pitch; his runs and wickets won at least three matches. Always a welcome sight on match days when spotted at 09.30 frying his Full English on the pavilion porch   BATSMAN OF THE YEAR ANDY TAYLOR – many commanding innings of responsibility (unlike his brother), power and style. He scored more than 400 runs and averaged around 40. Much missed when he buggered off to Canada. Mr Reliable, as batsman, sub keeper, fielder, bowler and in the pub   INNINGS OF THE YEAR ROB TAYLOR – a maiden ton of 101* in an hour, a rampant run-fest to rival Morgan or Milburn. At his worst his batting is a brief […]
7th May 2020
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V&A Cricket Club in 2020

Because of the pandemic, all matches for May have been cancelled. We do not yet know the situation for the rest of the season, but Oxfordshire Cricket, with whom we are affiliated, are keeping us posted – you can go on their website for updates. The V&A Tour this year is also cancelled. In the meantime here is a quiz question (a starter for ten, if you like). Who are these cricketers?
28th August 2019
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V&A v Stonor CC

The V&A moved to Stonor from Turville Park about 35 years ago. The Stonor ‘pavilion’ was then a shack, with walls but not even a window. Only a flap on hinges. No water. The lavatory was a bush. Today is luxury in comparison. We played Stonor village when Tony Fisher, Grumpy Groundsman emeritus, graced their team and bowled classy offies. We have all passed a lot of water since. The V&A team that played Stonor in 1989 n’existe plus, apart from Martin and me; they are dead, or living in Eastbourne which is much the same. One or two were banged up. A young all-rounder called Adam Jacot joined just afterwards, and elevated the tone both on and off the field with his virility and erudition. The erudition remains. I did not actually play against Stonor this year, but they also serve who only umpire and scoff tea. Stonor are […]