Match Reports
Match Reports
19th July 2022
We hosted the esteemed Therberton’s this week, run by Tim Young QC. We’ve been playing the “Thebs” (not to be confused with Thots, who Joe has acquainted himself with in Valencia) for 35 years and is often a tantalising fixture. The Thebs are pure class – their skipper, Paddy, was reeking with enthusiasm on email as we discussed the game midweek, and the team helped to clear the tables and stack the dishwasher (much to the delight of Steph Bird, who I had begged Tom to rope in for a second week in a row of catering). Steph, again, thank you, you’ve earned a well-deserved break. Fresh from my success playing two-up down under last year (an Australian gambling game involving a coin), I won the toss and opted to bat on a scorcher of a morning. The UK is apparently in the middle of a “high pressure […]
10th June 2022
Last week is almost always my favourite of the English sporting summer for several reasons. Many of our number were at the first or second day of the Lord’s Test Match (as, for that matter, were many of the opposition) and Joe Tetlow even went back on Sunday to watch Rooty do his thaaang and for England to hunt down that rarest of beasts: Victory, from the gnashing jaws of defeat. The other reason it’s a firm favourite is that The Townies & Country Folk XI are such a joy to spend the day with. We’ve touched gloves with some rum coves this season, but faith has been restored thanks to George Winters and his band of Merry Men (quite literally). It was pissing it down when we arrived at Stonor. Pete & Tom of the Townies were early-ish and huddling for cover under the pavilion. I noted […]
2nd June 2022
In conversation with a possible new recruit to the cause this week I was pressed to describe what sort of cricket we play. ‘Languorous’ sprang to mind, which is about all one can reasonably expect from the sort of waifs, strays and aesthetes that we have tempted to the Stonor Valley in years gone by. An air of disdain for responsibility, blended with the faintest whiff of Tiggerish insouciance are all that is required to pass muster. Cricket as escapism is, I wager, why we’re all really here. Joe Tetlow escapes his weekly dose of Lefty socialism, courtesy of Green Alliance. Christiaan Jonkers escapes the workmen who toil away on his new East Wing. Nicky Bird, I suspect, escapes the police. Whatever the motivations for playing, the one thing that is for certain is that it isn’t about the result at all. Except, of course, that it absolutely is. […]
22nd May 2022
It was clear early on that we were going to have a good day’s cricket. The sign came midweek, when a hearty laugh, familiar to residents of the Stonor valley, echoed through the bookshop from Mr. Jonkers’s office. More often than not this indicates the arrival of a missive, in all-caps or none, from N. Bird. But mirthful message came from our caterer, Nick Constantine, who had asked for permission to go “a little over budget” for Saturday’s spread. Now, those of us who can be a little tardy in paying our match fees, will know that our Treasurer likes to run a tight ship. But, much like Elizabeth Von Arnim’s Mr Wilkins, he “encourages thrift, except that branch of it which gets into his food”, and so the request was summarily approved. We, and the fatted calf Constantine had singled out for the feast, were off to the races. […]
18th May 2022
Digging into the archives, Rupert Morris wrote this in 2018: “The Nomads are a serious team, who have been going for more than a century and include several former first-class or professional cricketers…they have several overseas tours every year. Dennis de Caires arranged this fixture before his departure for Barbados, and warned Ross that he would have to pick a powerful team.” It’s amazing how times change, and how quickly. Rupert is now retired in France, Dennis in Barbados, and Ross in the wilderness. Lachlan is 40. The Nomads remain a serious team. If no longer bristling with ex-pros, they are a wily looking outfit, sporting various club cricket tops and furrowed brows. They include, according to N Bird, a delightful chairman in Michael Blumberg. A timed game was agreed, with 20 overs after 5:30pm. They were put into the field on a glorious and cloudless day. The V&A is […]
11th May 2022
There is, I’m told, a pseudo-intellectual argument among classical melomaniacs that not a single piece of music penned between Bach and Stravinsky is worth it’s salt. That discounts Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert (actually that I understand), Wagner, Rachmaninov… the list goes on. Its equivalent in cricket is the immortal adage: ‘Win the toss and bat’. Absolute tosh. We live in the ‘Modern’ era of the chase. But the music line was fed to me at the lunch interval by CPW Jonkers, so there’s no wonder its tosh. ACME have returned to the fold after a brief absence from our fixture card and the season is much the better for it. They, like us, have been around since 1975 and colourful veteran of the V&A, Martin Bowden, has been a talisman in their number for many years. They boast the first mother/daughter cricketing duo to grace the field at Stonor, […]
1st May 2022
‘Precisely because the tyranny of opinion is such as to make eccentricity a reproach, it is desirable, in order to break through that tyranny, that people should be eccentric.’ On Liberty, John Stuart Mill, 1857 Is Neil Parish a loveable eccentric or an arse? When caught watching filth I have used three excuses: it was a) research b) an accident c) I was trying to access information about tractors. I have always found the last one ineffective with my missus. Joe Tetlow worked for five years with Parish. ‘A decent bloke’, apparently. Joe might need to adjust his CV. Watching hetero porn is always iffy, as it involves victimhood (the woman); whereas gay porn doesn’t and the spectator, being gay, is per se a minority (or ‘minoritised’) and thus to be respected. Anyway, that’s what I argue. A FEW GOOD MEN are very nice chaps led by the Corinthian Alistair Metcalf, a decent cricketer too. [Their name almost defines the team, apart from the ‘Good’ bit […]
30th April 2022
Match reports are tricky. The rules are to be complimentary of the opposition; the tea lady; Stonor CC; and to say whatever you like about your teammates. The outstanding player on the day is usually exempt from writing them, for fear they will do their triumph a disservice, either by underplaying or overstating their contribution. Lachlan rarely gets offered the job. It is best left to someone who is a) reliably going to write the match report, and b) is worth reading. Hearing impediment, blindness and memory loss are no barrier, as Nicky Bird can attest to. Ollie Marsh was meant to be writing this report, but he’s an accountant by trade, so it wouldn’t have been worth his time or ours (especially when we already have a scorebook). If it’s any consolation to Ollie, if not the expectant V&A, Jonkers still hasn’t filed his match report for […]