Match Reports

Match Reports

25th July 2022
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V&A v. Wine Trade CC

This week the V&A hosted the Wine Trade. They were captained by Ed. Ed is from the Christiaan school of cricket and wears a white shirt along with the traditional whites. That is as far as the similarities go. Ed prefers a Charles Tyrwhitt number, whereas Christiaan is more of a TM Lewin man (echoing the decades’ old debate experienced throughout the professional services industry). I am personally ambivalent and wait for the best deal. For those that are interested, you can pick up 4 shirts for £139 at Charles Tyrwhitt at the moment and 4 for £140 in T M Lewin. I remember when I first started working it was 4 shirts for £120. Talk about inflation. Both teams were saved a raw vegan lunch (my wheelhouse) by Sarah Jenkins. Other staples were also preserved. Nick wore horrendous green shoes (which should be put in the bin), Lachlan batted 6 […]
19th July 2022

V&A v. Thebertons

  We hosted the esteemed Therberton’s this week, run by Tim Young QC. We’ve been playing the “Thebs” (not to be confused with Thots, who Joe has acquainted himself with in Valencia) for 35 years and is often a tantalising fixture. The Thebs are pure class – their skipper, Paddy, was reeking with enthusiasm on email as we discussed the game midweek, and the team helped to clear the tables and stack the dishwasher (much to the delight of Steph Bird, who I had begged Tom to rope in for a second week in a row of catering). Steph, again, thank you, you’ve earned a well-deserved break.    Fresh from my success playing two-up down under last year (an Australian gambling game involving a coin), I won the toss and opted to bat on a scorcher of a morning. The UK is apparently in the middle of a “high pressure […]
7th July 2022

V&A v Star CC (rematch)

The original fixture, Top Knockers, pulled out. So we had a rematch against Star CC. Star CC are a great bunch and have saved us on a few occasions now, coming over from east London at the last hour. Even better, they reliably provide a full service, letting us win too.  The last fixture, in June, was won by the V&A, with Jonkers taking 3 wickets including 2 in 2 balls at the last, with Star needing only one run to draw. We had almost been defeated and needed to be at our best.  Tom Bird was skip and we bowled first, which is something of a novelty this year. Lachlan chose the Henley end and bowled with the wind, sending 4 overs down for 8 runs, most of which were overthrows. Adam Knight, 6 overs for 22, found a good length.  The scoreboard barely moved. Derewlany was behind the […]
3rd July 2022

V&A v Royal Household X1

Our opponents this week were Her Majesty’s Royal Household, one of the revered (or inconvenient depending on how you look at it) away games that pop up in the V&A fixture list a few times a year. It seems remiss to leave match report duties to the only full-time Australian in the V&A squad (although we were charmed by Robbie Lawson, ex-V&A regular, this week) when I’m probably the least qualified to comment on Her Majesty. We are part of the Commonwealth and Nicky Bird once said I was “rather couth for an Australian”, but the fact remains in the land of convicts, ruffians and great cricketers, the Monarch is dreadfully irrelevant in most circles. Don’t show this to Frogmore, I want to come back and play next year.  We were quorate with 11 by Tuesday surprisingly (+ guests). We have struggled to get an XI together most weeks this […]
20th June 2022
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V & A vs Bandits

Cricket was not made easy this week as the Saturday weather forecast wavered throughout along with the list of names on the team sheet. Effervescent skipper Joe Tetlow powered on admirably regardless, taking on double duty as skipper and caterer, with a willing bunch (of 9) in tow.  Our opposition, hailing from Battersea, returned to Stonor no doubt with proud memories of a victory last season. What we were lacking in numbers we hoped to make up for in (relative) quality.  Due to our low numbers and some possible early departures, Tetlow informed us he was hoping to bowl to avoid costly gaps in the field later on. He then returned from the ceremonial toss in the middle proffering a straight but slightly unwelcome batting motion.  Adam Jacot was quick to encourage Joe not to play the humble captain and bat where he wanted and quite rightly he put himself […]
20th June 2022

V&A v Chelsea Arts Club

Lachlan was skipper and not in a good mood. For an actor, I think he would make a poor poker player. He was stressed because his father was coming to watch (the first time in 20 years), and admitted as much.  We were playing the Chelsea Arts Club, one of our oldest fixtures. Jack NB, their former captain, has a loud dog which belies its size and is almost as badly behaved as Sarah Jenkins’ hound, which is saying something. Sarah was away, as was Nicky Bird. Jasper Arnold, who is traditionally a CAC player, but has played for the V&A on occasion, provided the catering (courtesy of his mother). Traditional buffet style, with lots of pork pies, a nod to his off-spin.  A declaration game was agreed, with a maximum of 20 overs after 5:30PM. We batted first and got off to a strong start, hitting 50 off the […]
10th June 2022

V&A v The Townies & Country Folk XI

  Last week is almost always my favourite of the English sporting summer for several reasons.  Many of our number were at the first or second day of the Lord’s Test Match (as, for that matter, were many of the opposition) and Joe Tetlow even went back on Sunday to watch Rooty do his thaaang and for England to hunt down that rarest of beasts: Victory, from the gnashing jaws of defeat. The other reason it’s a firm favourite is that The Townies & Country Folk XI are such a joy to spend the day with. We’ve touched gloves with some rum coves this season, but faith has been restored thanks to George Winters and his band of Merry Men (quite literally).    It was pissing it down when we arrived at Stonor. Pete & Tom of the Townies were early-ish and huddling for cover under the pavilion. I noted […]
2nd June 2022


  In conversation with a possible new recruit to the cause this week I was pressed to describe what sort of cricket we play. ‘Languorous’ sprang to mind, which is about all one can reasonably expect from the sort of waifs, strays and aesthetes that we have tempted to the Stonor Valley in years gone by. An air of disdain for responsibility, blended with the faintest whiff of Tiggerish insouciance are all that is required to pass muster. Cricket as escapism is, I wager, why we’re all really here. Joe Tetlow escapes his weekly dose of Lefty socialism, courtesy of Green Alliance. Christiaan Jonkers escapes the workmen who toil away on his new East Wing. Nicky Bird, I suspect, escapes the police. Whatever the motivations for playing, the one thing that is for certain is that it isn’t about the result at all.   Except, of course, that it absolutely is. […]
22nd May 2022

V&A v Invalids

It was clear early on that we were going to have a good day’s cricket. The sign came midweek, when a hearty laugh, familiar to residents of the Stonor valley, echoed through the bookshop from Mr. Jonkers’s office. More often than not this indicates the arrival of a missive, in all-caps or none, from N. Bird. But mirthful message came from our caterer, Nick Constantine, who had asked for permission to go “a little over budget” for Saturday’s spread. Now, those of us who can be a little tardy in paying our match fees, will know that our Treasurer likes to run a tight ship. But, much like Elizabeth Von Arnim’s Mr Wilkins, he “encourages thrift, except that branch of it which gets into his food”, and so the request was summarily approved. We, and the fatted calf Constantine had singled out for the feast, were off to the races. […]
18th May 2022
In the Clubhouse

V&A v Nomads

Digging into the archives, Rupert Morris wrote this in 2018: “The Nomads are a serious team, who have been going for more than a century and include several former first-class or professional cricketers…they have several overseas tours every year. Dennis de Caires arranged this fixture before his departure for Barbados, and warned Ross that he would have to pick a powerful team.” It’s amazing how times change, and how quickly. Rupert is now retired in France, Dennis in Barbados, and Ross in the wilderness. Lachlan is 40.  The Nomads remain a serious team. If no longer bristling with ex-pros, they are a wily looking outfit, sporting various club cricket tops and furrowed brows. They include, according to N Bird, a delightful chairman in Michael Blumberg. A timed game was agreed, with 20 overs after 5:30pm. They were put into the field on a glorious and cloudless day.  The V&A is […]