V&A IX: Christiaan Jonkers (captain); Tom Bird; Chris Mounsey-Thear; Lachlan Nieboer; Adam Jacot; David Pitlarge; Alex Pitlarge; Ben Horan; Nick Constantine 

It used to be said that village cricket matches, and it doesn’t get much more village than the sort of cricket we play, were won and lost on the telephone: those feverish calls made in the days leading up to a game to gather a team.  Then came email and now it simply a matter of posting a request on the newly minted V&A WhatsApp group and watch the numbers come rolling in.

But this works both ways.  By Tuesday both sides had ten men with every prospect of a full game.  By Friday afternoon, an unsettled weather forecast and some lilly-livered sentiment had meant it was down to eight and nine and the viability of the fixture was being called into question. When it comes to matters meteorological, I am usually first port of call.  How being local to Stonor should give me a special insight into something as unpredictable as the British weather, I cannot say but these days I take what influence I can get.  “Don’t worry,” I said, “a little bit of rain in the early part of the morning and then we will be set fair,” I said.  “A full day’s play is virtually assured,” I said.

I steadfastly ignored the sceptical glances and hard stares from players of both sides as they arrived at 11.30 in a torrential deluge under leaden skies with puddles fast forming on the square.  In such circumstances it helps to have faith.  It doesn’t really matter what sort of faith; a deity is the traditional object of faith, but I find there never a suitable one around when you need one.  Anyway, sure enough, by midday the rain had stopped and the sun was out, and by a quarter to one play had started, albeit with the aid of a large quantity of sawdust.  The V&A batted first, in the form of Pitlarge pere et fils, making steady progress in the light of some tight bowling before Alex was caught at the wicket.  Mounsey Thear came and went to an uncharacteristic mow leaving the V&A at 39-2 from 13 overs at lunch.

Lunch, taken outside in glorious sunshine, was moussaka supplemented with salad, bread and cheese, kindly prepared by the Constantines.  In the absence of Nicky Bird, who was at a school reunion, meeting people he hadn’t seen for sixty years and quickly realising why, Tom Bird gave the post prandial homily.  There was no smut and no one singled out for ritual humiliation.  “Much better than usual,” hummed Adam Jacot

After lunch things went from bad to worse as both Constantine and Pitlarge contrived ways of getting out.  At 56-4 the prospect of setting a total to challenge the Bandits looked bleak.  That however, was to reckon without the resilience of the V&A’s lower middle order, in the form of Tom Bird and both instrumental in last week’s unlikely run chase.  The idiosyncrasy of Tom’s batting is a favourite subject.  He essentially has one scoring shot which, if contact is made, will send the ball into the ark from wide mid on to backward square leg.  He also has a crab-like forward defensive, which is deployed as a result of an unknown algorithm but seems to have nothing to do with the bowling.  The fielder at cover or mid off is entirely redundant, indeed the only fielder on the off side likely to see any action would be a backward point for when the swipe to leg comes off the back of the bat.  Horan’s bating is more conventional relying on wristy punches through the covers and the occasional lusty pull.  Between them they added 94 with Horan getting 47 and Bird 44* seeing the V&A to 156-8 from 35 overs, generally regarded to be a little above par given the conditions.

The Bandits’ innings began, as the V&A’s had, with caution in the light of tight bowling but included an unfortunate mixup which with the help of some sharp fielding from Adam Jacot (no, that is not a misprint), led to the run out of Robbie Laing.  However, Alex Laing and Jay looked untroubled either side of tea and at 63-1 in the eighteenth over, the game lay in the balance.  The turning point came when Jay, who had spanked two fours from an Alex Pitlarge over sought to hoist the next ball into the  neighbouring field, but instead sent the ball spiralling high, apparently into the no-man’s land behind the bowler.  Lachlan, loitering at long on, spotted an opportunity and sprinted round to long off arriving just in time to meet the ball’s decent and claim an extraordinary catch.  This exposed the soft underbelly of the Bandits’ batting order which Pitlarge took full advantage of.  Bowling full and straight with just enough pace to unsettle those of a nervous disposition, he took two wickets in his following over and three in the over after that, including the key wicket of Alex Laing, all bowled excepting one caught and bowled.  A spirited last wicket stand merely delayed the inevitable and the Bandits innings ended on 106, some 50 short of their target with Pitlarge rightly leading off the V&A for his figures of 6-21.

A day which had begun so unpromisingly, finished in the dappled sunlight of the Golden Ball garden and a discussion on how the key to batting was keeping it simple and knowing one’s limitations.  Cricket, as ever, as apt metaphor for life.