Match Reports
Match Reports
25th August 2018
V&A PLAYERS: Andrew Jones [Skip], Adam Jacot, Andy Taylor, Ross Ashcroft, Tom PG, Adam Knight, Vin G, Rupert M, Ben H, Nick PG, R Morris, N Bird (12th man) [/highlight What should have been a Bank Holiday double-header – matches in successive days for the V&A at Stonor – was scuppered by the weather. Heavy rain meant that Sunday’s scheduled match against Stonor CC was abandoned on the morning, a shame for all concerned, especially those like Bowden, Goodliffe, Emley and Mounsey-Thear, who decided to play just one game that weekend and picked the wrong one. One need not feel quite so sorry for the hardened athletes who gathered in the Golden Ball after Saturday’s pulsating encounter with the Gardeners, then went on to the Pritchard-Gordon gaff to carouse the night away, confident that their services would not be required the following day. Saturday’s match had given them much to relish […]
20th August 2018
Another Saturday at Stonor, another sensational game. We’ve had some brilliant finishes this season, but this one may well have topped the lot, for its many ups and downs, individual heroics, and pure quality. The Nomads are a serious team, who have been going for more than a century and include several former first-class or professional cricketers, of whom two or three were playing on Saturday. They have several overseas tours every year. Dennis de Caires arranged this fixture before his departure for Barbados, and warned Ross that he would have to pick a powerful team. Ross did accordingly, and instructed his team to muster at 11am to welcome the visitors – a polite gesture with the added benefit of possibly making their later arrivals feel a little hurried. Was that why Tom Brockton, on winning the toss, decided to bat? Whatever the reason, Ross was surely not displeased, for there had been plenty of rain […]
14th August 2018
__________________________________________________________ ‘An umpire should be a rock of insensitivity. He must be insensitive to raucous and determined appeals. He must be insensitive to being hated by 11 men, one of whom, the bowler, would like to see him impaled on a stump.’ – Simon Barnes ‘When I retired from first class cricket, I turned out for my village side. But I gave up ‘cos the pitch was a cabbage patch. And the dopey umpires were swayed more by loud appeals and a yen to get to the pub than the laws of cricket.’ – David Steele __________________________________________________________ I was a football ref for many years, at a lowly level. I was called a w*nker most days. Fair comment I thought. I now umpire at Stonor more than play, and although I am still a w*nker, cricketers are more couth and (mostly) only call me rude names as they trudge back to their mark. We […]
18th July 2018
The morning was hot and sticky, unwelcome for a V&A side of extreme youth in varying states of disrepair. These ranged from Andy Jones (a bit groggy) to captain Constantine and new recruit Nolan (both struggling to come to terms with consciousness). Deers loafed in the shade across the valley, the toss was won, and birds fell from the sky pissing themselves with laughter at six would-be cricketers in their twenties contemplating having to bat in 30 degree heat. We were the future once, but it was clear that senior players would have to be relied on. The more experienced, thankfully, were at hand to raise the spirits. The first was Phil Goodliffe, whose wife Eve had been up since 6am putting the finishing touches to our lunches and teas. As Andy Taylor and self limbered up before opening, the Goodliffes pulled up in front of the pavilion and a […]
2nd July 2018
The parks of England are paved with sunburned bodies, Saddleworth Moor is on fire and sales of orange squash are rocketing as cricket matches require frequent drinks breaks. Yes, we’re in the middle of a heatwave – a meteorological phenomenon that has inspired pop lyricists down the ages. Martha and the Vandellas did it for me. The younger generation may be more familiar with a rap song by Wiley. Whatever your preference, the message is similar: sunshine is sexy; it loosens inhibitions. Poor Annette Jacot, who might reasonably have hoped for some female company on such a glorious day at Stonor, was immediately mobbed by chaps determined to solve her crossword clues for her, and then, at lunch, obliged to listen to a lot of smutty talk from Radio Bird. This blight on the airwaves, which resembles Radio 4 under the guest editorship of Peter Stringfellow, is famous, or rather […]
24th June 2018
‘Cricket makes men of boys, sportsmen of dullards, gentlemen of ruffians, Englishmen of foreigners.’ History of Cricket, Ward Lock, 1898 ‘Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. Sport is war minus the shooting.’ The Sporting Spirit, George Orwell, 1945 Orwell was right about SERIOUS sport, but we are hardly serious. I prefer the first quote, though how playing cricket can make Johnny Foreigner an Englishman is a mystery. Our serious sporting moment in the Battersea Bandits game came right at the very end, a moment of high drama that tested our Corinthian pedigree. I am back on match reporting duties after a prolonged absence due to not playing and other people doing it better; and being incapacitated through drink, dicky knees or battlefield touring. Am just back from Normandy. A […]
18th June 2018
Whatever the origin of the phrase, “giving someone the bird” is, V&ACC did it to Chelsea Arts Club at the SCG this weekend. More precisely, we “gave them the Tom Bird”. Tom had earlier been seething that our opposition arrived as late, as sporadically and as understaffed as ever. Our skipper, Dennis de Caires was unimpressed too. In a 35-overs, win, lose or draw game, the V&A batted first and plundered 260 for five with only Nick P-G (2), Adam Knight (2) and Rupert Morris (3) failing. The first two are marked in the book as “LBW (CJ) Bld Munton”. Both were sound decisions by our most competent of umpires. Rupert believed he was bowled by a no-ball beamer that hit the base of his stumps. Fairing far better were de Caires (44 off 34 balls), Ashcroft (76 off 81), Nieboer (62* from 44) and the mighty Tom Bird (52* […]