V&A PLAYERS: Andrew Jones [Skip], Adam Jacot, Andy Taylor, Ross Ashcroft, Tom PG, Adam Knight, Vin G, Rupert M, Ben H, Nick PG, R Morris, N Bird (12th man) [/highlight

What should have been a Bank Holiday double-header – matches in successive days for the V&A at Stonor – was scuppered by the weather. Heavy rain meant that Sunday’s scheduled match against Stonor CC was abandoned on the morning, a shame for all concerned, especially those like Bowden, Goodliffe, Emley and Mounsey-Thear, who decided to play just one game that weekend and picked the wrong one. One need not feel quite so sorry for the hardened athletes who gathered in the Golden Ball after Saturday’s pulsating encounter with the Gardeners, then went on to the Pritchard-Gordon gaff to carouse the night away, confident that their services would not be required the following day.

Saturday’s match had given them much to relish in the retelling. Andy Jones, our skipper for the day, had failed in his primary duty of winning the toss, with the result that Grantham and Ashcroft went out to open the innings on a damp and sticky wicket against an accurate pace attack. The statuesque Grantham lasted more than eight overs but made only three runs. His cameo performance was to come shortly afterwards, in the umpire’s coat. Ashcroft dug in, punishing the occasional loose ball and keeping the scoreboard ticking at a modest rate in the company of Andy Taylor, until the latter succumbed to another ball that deviated treacherously.

Enter the author of this report, flattered to be batting at No 4. I edged one through the slips for four, hit a couple more singles, then poked at a ball around off stump and saw it elude the keeper. I answered Ross’s call and completed the run, whereupon Dr Vin the umpire asked me if I had hit it. No longer sure what had happened seconds earlier at the other end, and presuming that Vin wanted to know whether to signal a leg-bye, I said “I don’t think so,” whereupon the good doctor raised his finger and said: “In that case, you’re out – plumb lbw.” Perhaps Dr Vin’s technique comes from the surgery, where he asks the patient their symptoms, then delivers his verdict, but I wouldn’t recommend that he apply this umpiring method to other V&A batsmen.

It didn’t matter much. Better batsmen were awaiting their turn, and Nieboer, Knight and NP-G duly played their part in raising the scoring rate from its modest beginnings towards respectability. Ross’s crucial innings grew from watchfulness to authority, but he perished at 71, trying something more flamboyant. At the end, there was a flurry of shot-making from Adam Jacot, whose 15 off the final over took us to a competitive-looking 180 off our 35 overs.

Lunch was the work of three caterers. I supplied home-cooked ham, pork pies and vinaigrette, while Nick P-G turned his own home-grown produce into salads. One didn’t dare ask where he got the duck that featured in his main dish. The chances are it had either wandered rashly from The Thames too close to Chateau P-G, where it was ambushed – or it was roadkill. The rest came from Dr Vin, also a dab hand in the salad department and a fine judge of cheese. Tea wasn’t bad either, with Vin’s basics supplemented by Annette’s doughnuts and a touch of class provided by Megan Ashcroft’s blueberry cake.

Beyond the boundary, Tom P-G entertained the Ashcroft girls with a Ned Kelly impersonation that involved him wearing a long cricket equipment carton with face and arm holes cut out. Kitty Morris donned her rubber gloves and did the washing-up. Annette Jacot completed The Daily Telegraph prize crossword in record time and resolved to send it in this time to test her theory that the winner always comes from Esher; she was then hoping to enjoy a well-earned nap when she was rudely awoken by another smutty story issuing at high volume from Radio Bird.

The Gardeners were genial lunch companions and decent cricketers. Their openers made good progress early on, surviving Lachlan’s opening burst and more varied fare from Big Ben Horan, who looked menacing when he hit his length but only managed this feat occasionally. Nick P-G did well behind the stumps, without ever threatening to usurp Phil Goodliffe, who had come along to prowl the boundary, checking on his nettle-killing exploits of two days earlier.

Outstanding spells followed from Adam Knight, bowling big inswingers, and Tom P-G, both from the Stonor end. Tom P-G’s figures would have been better had it not been for his father’s inability to read his off-spinner. Andy Jones, who captained throughout with great thoughtfulness and remarkable modesty, then brought himself on from the Pishill end and after a couple of beamers for which he apologised to the batsmen, he found his length.

One opener accounted for, the scoring rate had slowed to a mid-innings crawl when another beautifully pitched Jones outswinger caught the edge – and what happened next deserved to be captured in slow motion. Dr Vin Grantham, peacefully chewing the cud at first slip, saw the edge, readied himself, then found his vision obscured by a flying object. It was Nick P-G executing the most incredible jack-knife dive, and scooping up the ball in his outstretched right hand in front of the bemused doctor.

A feat of phenomenal athleticism from a somewhat unlikely source (and fine bowling from a more predictable one) had turned the game. From a position of promise, the Gardeners were in deep trouble. More wickets fell, notably their number five, a talented batsman, who tried to get after the wily Jacot and was bowled.

Although their middle order thumped a few boundaries and briefly threatened a revival, it was left to the returning Ben Horan to claim two wickets in two balls and put the match beyond doubt. They finished about 15 runs short – precisely the amount Adam had tonked in the final over of our innings.

Man of the Match? Ashcroft for his batting, Skipper Jones for his bowling (and a great catch,), Knight and Nieboer for their all-round contributions were all worthy of consideration, but by common consent, it was Jacot’s efforts with bat and ball that edged it. Champagne moment? Unquestionably the NP-G catch – two days later he can hardly walk, and I’m not surprised.

The Gardeners will be back – they were terrific opposition – while the V&A march triumphantly on…