Match Reports
Match Reports
12th June 2019
There was a crossword clue this morning that read ‘thin mud (4)’. Of course, the answer was ‘silt’. Synonyms for ‘silt’ are, to name a few: sediment, mud, sludge, slime, and ooze. These are not generally monikers for the topsoil of a cricket wicket, but do spring to mind as a result of Saturday’s fixture at Stonor Park. It was so boggy that Adam Knight was overheard informing bowlers and batsmen alike to replace their divots. Wrong sport, right sentiment. Sawdust was very much the order of the day. The forecast was ominous, but the Anemoikept the rain away from Stonor, as they so often do. Theberton’s (or “Thebs” as they seem to call one another) are a charming lot, many of whom are lawyers of the Middle Temple. It would appear that Thebertons were men firmly on a mission, as the toss arrangement saw them bat first with a […]
5th June 2019
I often wonder what heralds the beginning of summer. Is it summer in mid-April, when the cricket season starts? Or, are we playing cricket in spiteof the weather, because that’s what good chaps do? Either way – it appeared on Saturday last that summer had finally caught up. It was one of those idyllic Stonor days: Cerulean blue, cloudless sky, with the mercury touching 27 at its zenith. Suffice it to say that if you weren’t barefoot, you were overdressed. Townies & Country Folk XI are not so much a cricket team of odds and sods, but a convincing cast for a rural tour ofOliver Twist, given the sheer quantity of progeny with which they travel. Thankfully, they all look rather healthier than a Dickensian horde of street urchins. Nobody was pickpocketed either. Or perhaps they’re the realization of The Pickwickians, who arrive at their cricket match, where they’re directed […]
14th May 2019
Much has been made of the weather, of late. Skipper for the day, Nick Emley, Andy Taylor and myself toiled against the buffeting hailstorm at The Oval on Wednesday. Another damp squib, another washout. Professionals, and the ECB, might take a leaf out of the V&A book: we embrace the rain (we play in it often enough) as much as we embrace uncovered wickets and an outfield that seems to be made of tar one minute, and concrete the next. Despite the wind chill, it is getting warmer. Two jumpers rather than three was the order of the day. Several of us even ventured so far as to wear sunglasses, but that’s because we’re a trendy bunch. Top Knockers Cricket Club are a new fixture to add to the list of delightful wanderers that we have established over the years. Their heartland is Shropshire, and they’re a lovely lot, even […]
8th May 2019
It was bloody cold. At one point, just before an early tea, with the wind whistling down the Stonor valley alternately carrying with it driving rain or hail, I felt entirely ill equipped as umpire with a mere two jumpers, a body warmer and an umpire’s coat for protection. If we are to continue to play in these conditions an umpiring sou’wester outfit shall be required. The rain had been infrequent, but but the howling gale was a constant. It meant that one either bowled with the wind or directly into it. The latter option was not much fun, as the wind acts not only as an impediment to bowling, but also as an aid to the batsman who sought to smite the ball in the direction from whence it came. I found myself in danger of developing a cricked neck from watching the ball sail back over my head […]
27th April 2019
The Availability Matrix has arrived. Resistance is futile. It helped Skipper Rob Taylor to be submersed in excess availability for our opening fixture against The Bushmen. Shame he could never be certain how long each player would be available during the game. Herewith a summary of our team’s availability for and during the match, plus player ratings that cannot be challenged unless and until you too have written a match report this season. The early-season match report bar is set low… Rob Taylor. Captain. Available. Selected. Masterful in his skippering. He didn’t have to so much herd cats. Skippering this shifting shapeless shit-shower team of 11, 13, 15 was akin to stacking diarrhoea. DNB due to selflessly batting himself at 10. He interspersed 5 good overs of spin with a constant Alan Bennett style whingeing, “I wish I could bowl faster”. Bowled a sixth over of inverse-pace. One day. Maybe. […]
4th April 2019
Our 45th Annual Dinner passed without serious incident which is a bonus. The food was entirely adequate and the wine only ran out at the end.
23rd September 2018
The season ended not with a bang but a whimper. Our last improvised fixture at Stonor was not to be. God intervened as She/He often does, though for most of the summer you’d have thought cricket was what God did, so glorious was the weather. And for much of it I was in the mountains of upstate New York in persistent rain. Fuck it. I am not sure that improvised games work, oppositions are cobbled together and inquorate. We should ensure, though, that we do not get any more fixtures snaffled by the bohemians of the Chelsea Arts Club. We had an astounding number of close, even nail-biting, finishes. Not of the engineered type I used to contrive when I was a sort of permanent captain. If the opposition looked to be needing help I’d put a wally bowler on. The trouble was the wally bowler knew why he was […]
20th September 2018
The V&A play the vast majority of their games in the easy to organise, safe and beautiful confines of Stonor. It is when we have to – very occasionally – arrange a game away from this environ that one is instantly reminded of the levels of admin that other teams regularly face…and it is not an experience this season’s new, and therefore slightly green, fixtures secretary wishes to embark on again in a hurry. It is safe to say that this middle aged cricket administrator learned a few life lessons during the week! Without going into detail, after 500+ emails, The Walker Ground in North London – home to league cricket’s Southgate CC and out ground for Middlesex CCC – saw 10 men, many of whom we were meeting for the first time, take to the field for the V&A against one of our regular oppositions, The Authors. The change […]
12th September 2018
The final scheduled fixture of the V&A season (there are now a couple of impromptu additional fixtures planned) has traditionally been against A Few Good Men. Sadly, on this occasion they should have been renamed Too Few Good Men because, despite the best efforts of their captain, Alistair Metcalfe, they could muster a mere eight players when eleven is the traditional number. The V&A were also a few regulars short, but such is our current strength in depth that his proved to be a welcome development allowing some of the more occasional members of the V&A squad. Nick Emley, captain for this match, was concerned about the lack of batting and consequently implemented the impromptu opening partnership of Jonkers and Grantham with the instructions to ‘get your heads down’. Observing my batting in the nets, Lachlan suggested that I might not be psychologically suited opening the batting. He may have […]
5th September 2018
A new fixture for us which got off to a bad start with the opposition fielding a mere 8 players and blaming both RyanAir and hangovers. In order to even things up, we lent them Nichal Sethi: recent recruits to the V&A are often bullied into playing for the opposition or, if they stay in our side, they have to field at forward short leg. We didn’t play our standard game (35 overs per side) but one designed to make the most of the day (first team bats for 2.5 hours, second team gets 1 hour and 20 overs). In the circumstances, it was decided that the V&A would bat first. The Refreshers are a team of barristers, but very decent company indeed. Their skipper had defended Stokes. Rather successfully. If you are involved in a pub brawl he is your man (not Stokes, the lawyer). Ashcroft and Taylor opened […]