V&A PLAYERS:Adam Jacot de Boinod (captain), Nick Constantine, Christiaan Jonkers, Nick Emley, Vin Grantham, Ross Ashcroft, Lachlan Nieboer, Andy Taylor, Rob Taylor, Jago Poynter, Henry Turpie, Nicky Bird (12th man)

I often wonder what heralds the beginning of summer. Is it summer in mid-April, when the cricket season starts? Or, are we playing cricket in spiteof the weather, because that’s what good chaps do? Either way – it appeared on Saturday last that summer had finally caught up. It was one of those idyllic Stonor days: Cerulean blue, cloudless sky, with the mercury touching 27 at its zenith. Suffice it to say that if you weren’t barefoot, you were overdressed.

Townies & Country Folk XI are not so much a cricket team of odds and sods, but a convincing cast for a rural tour ofOliver Twist, given the sheer quantity of progeny with which they travel. Thankfully, they all look rather healthier than a Dickensian horde of street urchins. Nobody was pickpocketed either. Or perhaps they’re the realization of The Pickwickians, who arrive at their cricket match, where they’re directed almost immediately towards the refreshments tent (pavillion), which has the “best view”. Before they can enter, they hear a familiar voice exclaiming, “Capital game – smart sport.  Fine exercise – very!  Mr. Pickwick!” so I suppose that makes Nicky Bird our Mr. Jingle.

Opposition skipper George Winter has (so he told me on at least three occasions) never lost the toss. Ten years of toss triumphs is remarkable. Christiaan, over chips and mayo down the pub at the end of the game asked rhetorically what the odds of that were? “Millions to one, surely” replied Rob Taylor, only to be rebuffed with a polite “Well, no, it’s actually 1/1024” so now we know that Christiaan really was a mathematician at Oxford. A smart arse too, but we already knew that. Adam Jacot and The V&A were invited to bat.

Which we did extremely well to start with. Openers Jago Poynter and Henry Turpie raced away from the first ball. Turpie (14)  opened the batting for the Bryanston XI aged 13, and it shows. His footwork is superb and he drives the ball with elan. He failed to drop his hands on a short one and was well caught behind the wicket off Clapp (2-35). Jago (59) appeared to be batting with a bludgeon. He dispatched the ball to all corners, lost a couple and had his half century within ten overs. It was a joy to watch.

The pace was more measured when the brothers Taylor joined forces at the wicket. Rob (38) and Andy (34) are both strokemakers of quality, but some tight stuff from Sparrow (3-21), ably assisted by Clapp and Springer (1-39) kept them at bay. Rob was out to a wally shot, swiping at a full one that yorked him. Rumour has it that Rob Taylor has only ever been out bowled at Stonor. Never caught, never stumped, only bowled. This is bollocks, because I remember running him out last year. I was bounced out, then Vin Grantham fell to an extraordinary catch at silly mid-off for nought. He thought it was a bump ball. Both V&A umpires said otherwise.

Lunch was taken. Sarah Jenkins produced another memorable spread and we all bathed in the sunshine. Nicky Bird and Townies opener Tom Walsh were clearly visited by the Trinity over roast beef and a little red burgundy. Nicky asked Tom if God loves a sinner (Tom is an authority, because his wife is Portuguese and a Catholic), and then proceeded to make the case that all the boring bunch will be there (in heaven), like Gladstone. Tom wants to be pub landlord of ‘The Pearly Gates’; (sounds like a knocking shop, actually) – he’s excited by the gossip.

After lunch, the bowling was restrictive, but cameo’s from Ashcroft (14) and Jonkers (8*) took the V&A score to 206-8 after 35 overs. The game was very much in the balance. Openers Walsh (73*) and Winters (10) faced up to a commanding opening salvo from Nieboer (3-26) and Andy Taylor (3-17). Both bowled with excellent rhythm, and Lachlan was as quick as I’ve seen him this season. The rate required steadily climbed, and the pressure finally got to Winters, who was bowled by Taylor.

This was followed up by a slightly more inviting spell of bowling from myself (0-43). Jonkers (0-11) was heavily strapped up because he’s done something to his knee. It is absolutely not age related. I was just dreadfully wayward. Rob Taylor (1-27) was convincing, and very nearly held onto a blistering return catch. Turpie (3-43) turned the screw and dismissed one of the Townies with the ball of the day, ripping it back through the gate and clipping the top of leg stump. The rate climbed and climbed, despite the best efforts of Tom Walsh, who carried his bat (having been chosen to open the batting for the first time ever whilst blind drunk in the back of a taxi in the small hours of the morning, which is a bloody good effort.) The Townies & Country Folk XI were all out for 179 when I managed to get in the way of a rather sharp slip catch off Nieboer. He and I were as surprised as each other.

So, another year of this glorious fixture has passed. Skipper Jacot marshalled the V&A with his customary ease and grace. Nobody wore enough sun cream, nobody held back at lunch or tea (why would you when Sarah is chef/patron) and nobody left a beer untouched. It is widely held that this fixture is often the most convivial of the season, and great fun to boot. This time out was no different. We wish the Townies & Country Folk the best with the rest of their season. One wonders what the odds of winning the toss eleven times in a row are. Christiaan?