V&A PLAYERS:A.Taylor (captain), R. Taylor, T. Bird, N. Constantine, L. Nieboer, A. Jacot, P. Goodliffe, B. Horan, M. Terblanche, A. Knight

There was a crossword clue this morning that read ‘thin mud (4)’. Of course, the answer was ‘silt’. Synonyms for ‘silt’ are, to name a few: sediment, mud, sludge, slime, and ooze. These are not generally monikers for the topsoil of a cricket wicket, but do spring to mind as a result of Saturday’s fixture at Stonor Park. It was so boggy that Adam Knight was overheard informing bowlers and batsmen alike to replace their divots. Wrong sport, right sentiment. Sawdust was very much the order of the day. The forecast was ominous, but the Anemoikept the rain away from Stonor, as they so often do.

Theberton’s (or “Thebs” as they seem to call one another) are a charming lot, many of whom are lawyers of the Middle Temple. It would appear that Thebertons were men firmly on a mission, as the toss arrangement saw them bat first with a limited overs format requested. Rumours circulated that they had several bowlers of quality. There would be no opportunity for The V&A to bat out a nailbiter (see V&A CC vs. Thebertons 2018), which seemed fair enough. Both sides fielded ten men (I did have to double check because I only counted nine dismissals and smelt conspiracy.

Battle commenced. Nieboer (3-17) chose his end (bowling with the wind, naturally) and opened up with pace, bounce, and the odd pea-shooter. There were some raised eyebrows. An iffy pitch is no man’s ally at Lachlan’s pace. Batsman Cheese (23) was nearly clean bowled by a half-tracker that scudded through at toe height. The next ball, he did extremely well to avoid a fizzer past the nose off a good length. It was tense. Our skipper for the day, Andy Taylor (0-10), took the other end and made similar use of the demons in the ooze. Kapila (68) and Cheese punished bad balls and Thebertons saw off the openers with thirty odd on the board. Knight (2-27) and R. Taylor (2-38) entered the fray, the former bowling wicket to wicket, the latter proving a handful with some serious turn. The pressure got to Cheese and R. Taylor took the first wicket of the innings, as he mistimed loftily and my sprawling effort proved just enough. In Taylor’s next, Knight was calmness personified under a high ball to snaffle Bishop (5).

Then, controversy! Kapila, who had been given a life or two by some ordinary fielding by the V&A, charged Taylor. Was it edged? Possibly; but the ever watchful Goodliffe whipped off the bails and appealed for a stumping, which was close, but not out, whilst everyone else went up for caught behind. Heads were scratched, but the umpire remained unmoved. Moments like these, flashpoints if you will, serve only to remind us that the gentleman’s code of conduct on a cricket pitch states that the umpire is always right, and never to be questioned. That, and the fact that catches, when offered, should be taken.

Ben Horan castled Foster (11), and Southern (42) drove his first ball sumptuously through the covers for four runs. Some wild swiping, and deftly lofted drives ensued and at lunch the score was 98-3.

Lunch, as is so often the case, proved a highlight of the day. A soft and creamy wheel of brie proved the centerpiece, alongside a smorgasbord of cold cuts, ‘slaws and Sarah’s delicious potato salads (the one with capers in… if you know, you know.) Praise must go to Sarah Jenkins for another tremendous spread. Nicky Bird announced via email midweek that he would be helping cater, and ump. He holds that ‘Loss of eyesight, hearing and mental stability should not disbar anyone from umpiring’. He didn’t “ump”, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t “hump” anything either. But he did assist with the catering, so hats off to him. The subject of BDSM reared its head at lunch, briefly, as did a very detailed explanation as to why one shines a cricket ball on that particular part of the body. This was cut short by a return to the field.

The V&A were wayward for a time, and the scored jumped to 146 in a handful of overs. Knight took a tremendous catch off his own bowling to dismiss Kapila, the prized wicket, and bowled Southern too. Then Nieboer, full of his usual pluck, bowled Hyde, Mallin and Young, whilst also completing the feat of the day by running Gatenby out first ball with a direct throw, off balance, from backward point. All this happened in the space of 16 balls, at the expense of just five runs. Thebertons were all out for 165.

It amazes me, at times, how closely the V&A batting resembles that of England’s Test XI. Smirk all you like (and I know you are) but they, like us, bat deeply enough that those at the top of the order fail to take responsibility and we’re often a few down, for not very many, chasing a modest total. I think the technical term for it is a collapse. But that seems a little grandiose here.

Theberton’s quick Gatenby is a delight to watch, and a handful to face. His action is high and languid, his accuracy is commendable and the late movement through the air proved too much for the top order. He had Bird (2) lbw; then Rob Taylor (0) and self (4) bowled in the same over. Things looked tricky. Terblanche (30) and Nieboer (27) dug their heels in and fought through to Tea. Nieboer flicked a wally shot to midwicket in the first over after the interval. Terblanche did the same in the next. The V&A, teetering on the precipice at 75-5 desperately needed some respite. A captain’s innings was required from Andy Taylor (24), who drove, pulled and cut with aplomb to reach 23 off 10, before timing one sweetly into the waiting hands of mid-off. Lusty blows from Horan (15*), and Knight (8) pushed the score into the 120s, but some canny tweak from Kapila bowled Jacot (1) and Goodliffe (1) to end the innings. The V&A were all out for 127.

So, our undefeated run has been brought to an end. As one of the more competitive sportsmen in the club, Andy Taylor will no doubt be having a bit of a sulk this week. But one wonders if that has more to do with the fact that his fiancee has developed a penchant for nights out in Peckham. Apparently car parks are ‘cool’ to hang out in…

Next week sees us face The Chelsea Arts Club, under the stewardship of the beloved Martin Bowden. It’s also Father’s Day weekend, so expecting to see Papa Constantine struggling with the concept of leg before again.