Match Reports
Match Reports
26th July 2020
This fixture was played at Turville Park Cricket Club The match v Turville Park was declared ‘on’ (around 9 am) by skipper Nick Derewlany, despite a dodgy forecast, because Turville had said we should play and etiquette thus demanded our presence. Adam Jacot, for one, looked at the sky, harumphed, reluctantly bolted his muesli, patted Emma and ‘sped’ down in his jalopy. He wished he hadn’t. Tom Bird was catching salmon on the Tweed, Jonkers was busy reading a book, Andy Jones was probably in the recovery position. Lucky them. I now eschew strong drink but not out of choice. I do not recommend it. Memory is better; I am not quite so repetitive but these things are marginal. Turville Park is where we used to play 40 years ago before moving to Stonor, for the better view and the cheaper pitch (only £25 then). There was a chestnut tree […]
20th July 2020
V&A AWARDS FOR 2019 SEASON V&A CRICKETER OF THE YEAR LACHLAN NIEBOER – top all-rounder, a titan with bat and ball, rivals the original Brycreem Boy, Denis Compton. Valued for his match-winning prowess, Olympia and acting ability on an off the pitch; his runs and wickets won at least three matches. Always a welcome sight on match days when spotted at 09.30 frying his Full English on the pavilion porch BATSMAN OF THE YEAR ANDY TAYLOR – many commanding innings of responsibility (unlike his brother), power and style. He scored more than 400 runs and averaged around 40. Much missed when he buggered off to Canada. Mr Reliable, as batsman, sub keeper, fielder, bowler and in the pub INNINGS OF THE YEAR ROB TAYLOR – a maiden ton of 101* in an hour, a rampant run-fest to rival Morgan or Milburn. At his worst his batting is a brief […]
7th May 2020
Because of the pandemic, all matches for May have been cancelled. We do not yet know the situation for the rest of the season, but Oxfordshire Cricket, with whom we are affiliated, are keeping us posted – you can go on their website for updates. The V&A Tour this year is also cancelled. In the meantime here is a quiz question (a starter for ten, if you like). Who are these cricketers?
28th August 2019
The V&A moved to Stonor from Turville Park about 35 years ago. The Stonor ‘pavilion’ was then a shack, with walls but not even a window. Only a flap on hinges. No water. The lavatory was a bush. Today is luxury in comparison. We played Stonor village when Tony Fisher, Grumpy Groundsman emeritus, graced their team and bowled classy offies. We have all passed a lot of water since. The V&A team that played Stonor in 1989 n’existe plus, apart from Martin and me; they are dead, or living in Eastbourne which is much the same. One or two were banged up. A young all-rounder called Adam Jacot joined just afterwards, and elevated the tone both on and off the field with his virility and erudition. The erudition remains. I did not actually play against Stonor this year, but they also serve who only umpire and scoff tea. Stonor are […]
27th August 2019
Tom Bird was skip in a 35 over match v THE BUTLERS XI, the team from Radio 4. A most agreeable bunch. Extremely voluble in the field, competing in decibels with the Craft Fair opposite. The Fair is a lesson in how to make hideous things in raffia. The Butlers batted first in the morning heat. They are young (their keeper excepted) and agile. I fielded, and was not. I missed a tricky chance in the slips that I would have palmed 40 years ago. Lachlan is quicker than ever nowadays and soon bowled their openers. Enter Leo Townsend, a man with a fabulous eye. He smote the ball far into the Craft Fair (our track was practically on the road), right into the melée of cars and people by the gate. We are insured, but our legal position might be iffy if we did nothing to address the problem […]
19th August 2019
What a business this fixture was! The NOMADS, who we were due to play, cancelled on Friday owing to the Lord’s Test, and doubts about the weather (wrong on that count). Phil and I spent the day looking for an opposition, fruitlessly. The South London teams wanting a game all thought Stonor Injun country, fearsomely rural, and declined to travel. So we cancelled on Friday night. But then at 10.15 on Saturday morning a bloke from a Kingston (Surrey, not Jamaica) team rang to say his lot had just been let down and they could make it to Stonor by 1.30. Nine of them made it. Actually, they made it to Lord Camoys’ big house, late, because I gave them the wrong postcode, but they were charmingly gracious throughout the day. And as talkative on the field as us. Nigel Allsop did a sterling job in rushing to the ground […]
4th April 2019
Our 45th Annual Dinner passed without serious incident which is a bonus. The food was entirely adequate and the wine only ran out at the end.
23rd September 2018
The season ended not with a bang but a whimper. Our last improvised fixture at Stonor was not to be. God intervened as She/He often does, though for most of the summer you’d have thought cricket was what God did, so glorious was the weather. And for much of it I was in the mountains of upstate New York in persistent rain. Fuck it. I am not sure that improvised games work, oppositions are cobbled together and inquorate. We should ensure, though, that we do not get any more fixtures snaffled by the bohemians of the Chelsea Arts Club. We had an astounding number of close, even nail-biting, finishes. Not of the engineered type I used to contrive when I was a sort of permanent captain. If the opposition looked to be needing help I’d put a wally bowler on. The trouble was the wally bowler knew why he was […]
14th August 2018
__________________________________________________________ ‘An umpire should be a rock of insensitivity. He must be insensitive to raucous and determined appeals. He must be insensitive to being hated by 11 men, one of whom, the bowler, would like to see him impaled on a stump.’ – Simon Barnes ‘When I retired from first class cricket, I turned out for my village side. But I gave up ‘cos the pitch was a cabbage patch. And the dopey umpires were swayed more by loud appeals and a yen to get to the pub than the laws of cricket.’ – David Steele __________________________________________________________ I was a football ref for many years, at a lowly level. I was called a w*nker most days. Fair comment I thought. I now umpire at Stonor more than play, and although I am still a w*nker, cricketers are more couth and (mostly) only call me rude names as they trudge back to their mark. We […]
24th June 2018
‘Cricket makes men of boys, sportsmen of dullards, gentlemen of ruffians, Englishmen of foreigners.’ History of Cricket, Ward Lock, 1898 ‘Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. Sport is war minus the shooting.’ The Sporting Spirit, George Orwell, 1945 Orwell was right about SERIOUS sport, but we are hardly serious. I prefer the first quote, though how playing cricket can make Johnny Foreigner an Englishman is a mystery. Our serious sporting moment in the Battersea Bandits game came right at the very end, a moment of high drama that tested our Corinthian pedigree. I am back on match reporting duties after a prolonged absence due to not playing and other people doing it better; and being incapacitated through drink, dicky knees or battlefield touring. Am just back from Normandy. A […]