Match Reports
Match Reports
20th September 2025
UMPIRE: Nicky Bird CATERER: Steph Bird As we waited for the RASCALS to arrive discussion turned to etiquette, and what is the form when a player croaks. Should the match be abandoned? Or would it be a case of carrying on ‘because Dennis would have wanted us to’? Someone imagined my getting an umpiring decision right and being so surprised I immediately keel over. A phone call to my missus ensues: Adam (for it is he): ‘Dr. Bird?’ Dr. Bird: ‘Yes.’ Adam: ‘It’s Adam Jacot here, you may have heard of me.’ Dr. Bird: ‘Yes, nothing good.’ Adam: ‘I have news of your hubby, good news and bad news. I’m afraid he may be away for a long time.’ Dr. Bird: ‘What’s the bad news.’ In the Sherlock Holmes story, the key thing is the dog that didn’t bark in the night. It means the dog knew the intruder. Or […]
30th August 2025
It has well been said that a village cricket match is won or lost, not on the field of play, but on the telephone in the days before the match. A nuanced approach is required: cajoling some, bribing others whilst always being careful to circumvent any involvement of wives or partners who might be inclined to put the kibosh on a weekend’s cricketing. The life of the 21st century captain was made somewhat easier with the introduction of email as a ready means of communication, and more recently by the What’sApp. Nevertheless, the tactics of team gathering remain just as important to a captain as field placement. The V&A rotates its captains to varying effect, but it also has Adam Jacot, cricketing personnel manager extraordinaire, and it safe to say that without his efforts, supreme even by his lofty standards, no cricket would have been played at Stonor this Saturday. We began the week with nine […]
24th August 2025
‘Wow my gosh!’ What an innings! And even “You must retire him!” I heard them say. For here was a match where one player made all the difference – more later! Our favourite arena: the bowl that is Stonor cricket ground or “Lord Camoys’ meadow” as Henry Blofeld famously dubbed it, was competing with the gleaming cars of the craft fair on the twin hillocks opposite and the new sunflower trail behind us. The harvest had been reaped. The stage was set. The cast assembled. The coin cast. The play to be performed across the ‘inside of the day’. A 35 over match preferred to a time game. Just as well as wickets here have proved hard to come by in August and with only seven wickets falling all match a draw would otherwise have been the likely result. We played the village: a key fixture in our calendar: it […]
9th August 2025
Raedarii means ‘Coachmen’ in Latin. My dictionary gives this ancient example – ‘Raedarii Itali insani sunt.’ Italian drivers are barking. It was ever thus. Drive along the Amalfi Coast and you will see, at the bottom of the cliff, a dead Fiat Uno or two. But this does not deter other Fiat Unos, who are the new lemming. But while a British lemming forms a queue the Neapolitan variant just eats lunch and dashes for the edge, no method, just madness. RAEDARII C.C. are not barking, just polite and helpful. They clear up, they wash up, they (sort of) laugh at my ‘joke(s)’ which was very nice of them as it involved an old wine guru called Hugh Johnson, in the mistaken belief these Oxbridge types were all in the wine trade. They weren’t (that’s Bacchus, silly me) but one or two could play cricket and that’s all you need. […]
2nd August 2025
This match was the second encounter with Sky CC of the year. The had gracefully got us out of a hole earlier in the season when our prescribed opposition had cancelled late in the week. This fixture was in the list from the beginning of the season and apparently much looked forward to by the opposition, some of whom had travelled for two hours to attend. The weather was pleasantly warm, but remained stubbornly overcast for most of the day before redeeming itself with a couple of hours of dappled evening sunlight; the sort in which village cricket in the late summer becomes a most beguilling spectacle. Sky won the toss and chose to bat, but made sluggish progress in the light of some tight bowling from self and the evergreen Enzo Nicoli. Enzo was complaining of a dicky back, born of painting his ceiling, which caused Jasper to retort with the wonderful non-sequitur, […]
19th July 2025
At 9.0 am the decision was made to play (the rain actually ceased around 11.00). Although this was conveyed to The RASCALS only two turned up on time because the others looked at what was pissing down and thought, naturally, ‘only mad dogs and Englishmen’ go out in the midday rain. But after a late lunch they ambled in and a very nice team they were (mostly friends from schooldays), one of whom was Jasper’s younger brother. Jasper played for the opposition. Rob Taylor took the gloves and looked the part, even taking a nifty catch. Jasper’s mum, Sue, catered and as before produced a sumptuous spread. I was on my best behaviour and was grovelling in my appreciation with just a hint of oiliness. Annette Jacot also graced our ground so I cut out the filth. They batted first. Very slowly. This was partly down to the tight bowling […]
5th July 2025
RAJ SINGH brought his team all the way from Hackney, a 2-hour drive and – barring one car that was late after breaking down – was bang on time. We were not. But we were 11 men thanks, as usual, to Adam Jacot’s recruitment policy, which is a sort of persistent nagging. In the nicest way. We had Cassius Bird and Alex Pitlarge representing yoof. Cassius was applauded every time he picked up the ball without falling over or his trousers falling down. He thought this a bit patronising. Alex had a jaunty Keble College cap which I coveted. I have a lot of ties and caps I’m not entitled to (IZ, Free Foresters, Greenjackets, MCC…). Senior Pros included Adam and Nick Scott-Ram, chums from Cambridge. Niam Scott-Jam once showed me an embarrassing photo of them (c1973), looking dopey or stoned, which has since been suppressed. I umpired. Christiaan captained, […]
28th June 2025
Perhaps the worst sports team of all time are the Wake Forest Demon Deacons of the mid-’70s. Certainly no other team, to the best of my knowledge, has had a song about losing in life overall named after them (Deacon Blues, for those interested). After six consecutive losses leading into this week, the V&A sought to turn our recent fortunes around and avoid going their way. We batted first. Tom Bird and debutant Zaf rushed ahead in a rare case of us starting an innings at the pace usually expected in a limited overs match. By the time Zaf let the ball hit his toe in front of middle stump, we were on 50-odd off nine overs. Unfortunately, this left Zaf with what most of the club thought was a broken toe. Adam, later asking about next week’s availability, was adamant that it was merely a bruise. Jasper came in […]
21st June 2025
Summer solstice, hottest day of the year, and a Bacchus team that promised us (based on previous form) – a big victory and lots of wine. Why wouldn’t one want to play? Even Nick Constantine, despite ramming a London bus with a Lime bike, wanted in. Nick knows Bacchus well. So well, in fact, Nick had been on the receiving end of intense lobbying from their captain at 10 Cases wine bar in Covent Garden. Bacchus wanted to ensure they were invited back, after successive thumpings. Bacchus love their cricket, their wine, and their day out at Stonor, much like us. And they are smart guys too (like us…), from Oxford, and smarter still – they knew that if they were to get anything from Constantine, you had to put wine in front of him. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but on this occasion, the Bacchus were more […]
14th June 2025
This fixture was due to be played against “Bandits”. They cancelled and Chris Mounsey-Thear managed to salvage the game, engaging worthy opponents in the form of Sky CC. The visiting side apparently hail from Edmonton and its environs. Its members were concerned that it would take a long time to drive to Stonor, so requested a late start with the game then due to commence at 1200. At 1145 the full Sky CC XI were on the outfield in a well drilled circle having grown up catching practice while about half of the home side mooched around waiting for the other half to arrive. This was the eighth fixture of the season. All have started, seven have finished and, of those, all have been defeats for V&A. A triumvirate came together to deal with the team’s dismal record so far: Christiaan Jonkers was assigned to deal with the martial aspects […]