Match Reports



Match Reports

16th June 2007

V&A v. CHELSEA ARTS CLUB

THE DAY STARTED with some difficulty. The Club President had eloped to St.Tropez in search of his adolescent idol, Brigitte Bardot. She is now well into her 70s and may not have long left before getting a chance to meet him. However, he had selected a team in advance, although hadn’ t troubled to check whether the players were available. As a result, Martin gallantly rang around and lined up ten of us. The weather forecast was dire and it wasn’ t until 10 a.m we knew we were “on”. Driving down through thunderstorms this looked optimistic … However, we were promptly off the mark at 12.15, with theCaptains insisting on the full 40 overs a side. At the best of times, this stretches some of the more mature members as well as those – like Rob Noble – with a dinner and new girlfriend to entertain (incidentally, her name […]
9th June 2007

V&A v. Jesmond Jaguars

Another fine day, if a trifle humid. For some reason we had found it tricky getting a quorum – we were 8 on Friday – but thanks to Adam Chataway, the Jaguars very game and sporting captain, who lent us both himself and their best bowler, we had a decent 10 on the day. They elected to bat in a 35 over game. Depressingly, they only had one man over 28 it seemed, and although clearly in bus pass territory he appeared to have most of his marbles, unlike some of our own geriatrics (although old age may be less to blame than substance abuse for our incapacity in the field). The Jaguars started like a whirlwind, being 50 or so for 0 after 7 overs and 130 for 4 at lunch after 21 overs. The wickets had fallen to Rico Wilson (bowled), Shaun Mayana (LBW) and Martin Bowden (bowled […]
3rd June 2007

V&A v. The London Erratics

I WAS ABSENT LOOKING UP Brigitte Bardot in St. Tropez last week (not literally) so Andy Fraser took over reporting duties. He is sorry if anyone felt insufficiently insulted. The threat of thundery storms of Biblical fury put back kick off until 13.30, so no official lunch but a magnificent tea provided by the family Morris. It was Kitty Morris’s birthday (age undisclosed) so their whole menagerie came and had a day out in the Chilterns. When we arrived they had clearly been enjoying a good, upmarket picnic lubricated by Veuve Clicquot and several bottles of 13% Burgundy. The 13% did the trick for Rupert as he opened with a blistering attack on the (very good) bowling, hitting 10 in the first over. His opening partner Rico Wilson was whacking anything loose but succumbed to a strain and Bird N. came in as a runner, not everyone’s first choice as […]
2nd June 2007

V&A v. The National Theatre

A glorious day, with none of the predicted showers, a perfect setting for both the Derby and cricket at Stonor. The ghastly VW rally was, thank God, on Sunday although the tossers in their camper vans were assembling as we played. Martin Bowden lost the toss and The National Theatre elected to bat, a surprising decision in the light of their being a better bowling side, but possibly influenced by the delayed appearance of their most lethal bowler, the lofty Mike Morris (of which more later). They started at a sloth’s pace, which slowed to a snail’s. But they were hampered by a sluggish pitch, humidity that made the ball swing prodigiously and calypso bowling from Jake Warman, who began a devastating spell by bowling gritty opener David Lumsden with an unplayable ball for 2. Truly, it would have bowled Bradman, swinging from well outside off stump to hit middle. […]
20th May 2007

V&A v. The Nashers

THE NASHERS are a pleasant and sporting lot who make the day an agreeable one. From the cricketing point of view they are depressingly young, in their twenties by the look of it. They scamper between the wickets, and throw over-arm. Some of us do, some of us did. Bird N. won the toss and elected to bat as he had to do the lunch in Sarah’s absence. In retrospect he got the batting order wrong. Jake Warman and Dennis de Caires agreed to open but perhaps their aggressive batting style is better served at 3 or 4. Both were out cheaply, Dennis to one that bowled him off his pad. A pity as he was looking sound. Jake was playing nicely when out for 11 – his succession of twos would have been fours but for the uncut outfield. The next 5 batsmen all went for 8 or under […]
17th September 2006

V&A v. Royal Ascot 2nd XI

ANOTHER FINE DAY, although some people arrived rather less than gruntled owing to duff directions. Sorry. Nevertheless, on the plus side was a good view of the new grandstand (not perhaps an architectural masterpiece), a nice secluded ground (though the pitch itself was erratic) and a very decent tea to look forward to. The opposition and their hirsute skipper Nick were very hospitable, and next season we hope to entertain them at Stonor. Ascot preferred a timed game – 20 overs from 5.00 p.m., but in the event they went in first and batted longer than expected so generously extended the time to 20 overs from 5.30, which meant the light was fading fast at the end. We started rather badly, or – to put it another way – very badly. Dennis’ bowling was tight and fast and he only went for 14 in 8 overs. But Adam, unfortunately, was […]
9th September 2006

V&A v. Jacobite Chancers

WE STRUGGLED to get a team together, as 4 or 5 regulars were away playing for some other tossers. But I did not want to disappoint the Jacobites, as this was their last game of the season and a farewell match for their Kiwi captain, David Macmillan, who was returning to New Zealand for good. Perseverance paid off and we ended up with a conventional 11 men, although Olly Bett’s dad Hugh had to be cajoled on the day, and handed my old cricket shoes that had been condemned in 1967. They did not help his fielding, but a missed catch at deep square leg would have been dropped by most of us; in the event it was a bit harsh of his son to shout abuse at him. Hugh is an antiquarian book dealer, not a professional cricketer. The Bett family provided three players – having also brought along […]
3rd September 2006

V&A v. The Hermits

A FINE DAY, after a miserable early morning. We were within a minute of cancelling. A call was made at 9 to ascertain local pitch and sky conditions, and the prognosis was grim, rain looked set to persist. But we took the gamble to play and it paid off, by 11.30 blue sky appeared over Stonor and the sun came out for the rest of the day. Marvellous. Olly Bamber captained and he and Terry Blake, the Hermits’ skipper, decided on a 35 over game. You might have expected the day to end at 6 or so, given that we started at 12.15 but no, what with the ball getting lost and the opposition captain frigging about with field changes we didn’t finish until 7. The last 5 overs of their innings – they batted first – were both wearisome for older players, and expensive. They scored at 10 an […]
8th July 2006

V&A v. Thebetons

A 35-over game was played, which has the virtues of guaranteeing a result, allowing those with smart dinner-dates to arrive before their wives combust, and those of us with a drink problem to get to the pub before the shakes. We won the toss, batted and started indifferently, Rob Noble being bowled for 1. But the two Ollies, Holroyd-Pearce and Bett, put on a quick 80 odd before Bett was out for 18, after two delightful boundaries. H-P went on to make a stylish 91. All would have been very different if Thebetons had caught 6 chances before lunch, some that Noddy or Fotherington-Thomas would have snapped up. After lunch – during which the Red Kites performed an entertaining air show – they suddenly started to hold catches and our total, which seemed to be heading for 200 plus, receded alarmingly, eventually stuttering to 187. De Caires, Nixey, Bloxham, Morris […]
10th September 2005

V&A. v. Jacobite Chancers

THE DAY LOOKED DODGY, weather-wise but there was no rain at 10.30 a.m. so we went. We have been lucky with this fixture in the past, snatching victory in the last over, assisted by a 12 year-old girl (Maria Bird) and an old man of 84 (Tom Bird Snr.) and – in a memorable game – tying a game off the last ball when our bowler had bowled a wide, which the umpire was about to signal, when the idiot batsman snicked it to the alert keeper (Bird, N). We lost the toss and batted in a (flexible) 35 over game. Ed Black and another almost equally good bowler opened for the Chancers and had us tied down. Rob and Sean did a fine job getting through the first overs, although it was impossible to score more than 2 an over. Even that was impressive. Rob was bowled by a […]