V&A PLAYERS: D. De Caires (Skip), M. Bowden, R. Noble, R. Taylor, J. Poynter, R. Morris, C. M-T, C. Jonkers, T. Bird, R. Smith, N. Bird, T. P-G

Team selection will be competitive this year as the newfound V&A strength in depth allowed our skipper, Dennis, the luxury of a 14-man squad plus a scorer. Missing games is going to me risky, especially if one is not missed. Mercifully for Nick Emley, he was far from forgotten.

Wary of late afternoon showers, the agreed 35 over game started promptly with Jonkers yorking Kirkham for a duck in a tidy spell. CM-T was rather got at by their carefree No. 3. His team called him Henry, but none had the foggiest if that was his first or last name. Henry took 20 off a CM-T over but was unwise to try the same against our wizened yeoman seamer, Roger Smith.

David Studdert-Kennedy knows to play out the over before lunch. He did not. His Natalie Bennett brain-freeze meant he played round a Bowden wobbler and spent the rest of the afternoon ruminating on Nicky Bird’s splendid catering. Someone mentioned al dente potatoes. DSK’s demise allowed Kash to bat for just one ball with strict instructions from GTskipper, Sunil Julka, to play safe. The swingeing arc of his bat confirmed that he was a typical quick bowler (not a batsman). So lunch was taken with the GTs on 103 for 4 off 21 overs.

I was on the wrong frequency for Radio Bird at lunch, but did enjoy the youth part of the team talking boozers in their hoods. Rob Taylor offered a venue in a part of London he called Zone Four. This could sound ironically snazzy. To me, it sounds cacatopic. (Adam. Is cacatopic a proper word?)

Post lunch highlights included a De Caires triple-juggle-catch (with a health warning that children should not try the manoeuvre without practice); De Caires claiming allowed a 6 off his bowling to buy the wicket of Kash; and a beautifully paced 44 from Miles Martin that took the GTs to an imposing 178 for 7. Sadly, Martin Bowden damaged his rolling hand in the field, took no further part in the game and fumigated the scorer.

The V&A reply was stodgy. Rob Noble wore one in the face as he tried to hook his first delivery in 6 years. He retired for 25 overs and was swiftly stumped for 4 on his return. His notional run rate was the basis for our collective recall of other dashing V&A openers not available that day.

All GT bowlers bowled well, restricting all bar CM-T and Jonkers to low scores. Poynter gifted his wicket and was sent to umpire as penance before he shirked off to a party. Batsmen often talk of seeing off the new ball or waiting for the dangerous leggie to finish his spell. V&A batsmen focus more on survving a Jago umpiring spell. CM-T batted beautifully for all but his last ball. He knew he could run two, but dawdled and was run out. He may have been watching to be sure the Poynter car was gone for good. Of the many sixes of the day, the best was Jonkers effortless flick over square leg and the biggest was a Tom Bird behemoth. The last wicket partnership between N. Bird and T. P-G entertained. Nicky struck the sweetest off-drive into a rabbit scrape for a single while Tom P-G was given 6 GT fielders behind the bat. 4 on the boundary. After the CM-T run out, the wickets tumbled leaving the V&A all out and 20 short.

And so the meat of the day, the make up the V&A team and the miracle of the Cameron Big Society. The V&A was 14 strong to start with. Ashcroft called off sick. The GTs suggested he had been worked over by Kash, their burly bowling find, at nets in the week. Louis Jacot arrived for a 2pm start. The V&A badgers were rotated in the field until Bowden was injured. The team blended returning stalwarts Rob Noble and Roger Smith with callow youth. At one point, the 3 V&A offside outfielders had a combined age of our wicket-keeper.

Meanwhile, the 3 man Stonor CC Pavilion Maintenance Team has a combined age of 220-odd. On arriving at the pitch, found Tony Harris and Peter Collings giving orders to their junior partner, Nigel Allsop (64) in a 5ft hole. The water was bust. Stonor had lost around £4,000 of water. And the V&A could not make tea.

Thankfully, Lindy Stracey at White Pond Farm had both water and containers to keep our cisterns full and u-bends flowing till the stalwart Stonor FM team had us reconnected.

For her care and contribution to the cause of cricket, Lindy is our first Man of the Match of 2015. If you fancy a stay in Stonor why not visit www.whitepondfarm.co.uk

If you ever fancy sponsoring a beardy Yorkshireman to squat in a muddy hole for 24 hours just for laughs, Nigel Allsop is your man. Thank you Tony, Peter and Nigel.