V&A PLAYERS: T. Bird (Ring Master), N. Emley, L. Jacot, R. Taylor, C M-T, C. Jonkers, R. Smith, R. Ashcroft, T P-G, T Bird, N. Bird (Buxom Tea Lady)

WINNER. WINNER. CHICKEN DINNER! Exclaimed Snooker World Champion, Stuart Bingham on hearing that the V&A had won their first match in 11 months. The form book suggested a win, but George Winters and his Townies & Country Folk XI have enough quality players to turn over a V&A side lacking the experience of De Caires, Bowden and Morris. George has recently moved home to Crackpole Hill and looked like he had been juggling numerous youth football fixtures in the morning. Either might explain his absence till tea. Olly Winters took up the reigns and led his team out to field in a 30-over game. Like the V&A squad, T&CF XI has a fairly balanced side that contains some talent and youth. This year they fielded 2 very competent 8 year old munchkins and a box of Rebellion Ale. Jesus was it cold up there.

Pete Bridge and Alex Deacon bowled a few steady overs to pin down V&A openers Emley and Louis Jacot. Either nerves must have got the better of Jacot or he was surprised by a surprise non-wide from Bridge, as he hoiked an unhoikable delivery to the keeper. When Emley was beaten by a jaffa from Deacon, it brought out the steely V&A destroyers, Rob Taylor, CM-T and Jonkers. Taylor was perhaps too aggressive to start with, being early on so many of his early shots. If he had middled half of his first 25 balls, he would surely have scored a century by the close.

CM-T looked the part, comfortably hooking their quickest bowler, James Hunt, until he uncomfortably hooked their fastest bowler, James Hunt, to the T&CFs most sartorially blessed player, Keith Poyser. Now then! Nicky Bird, often so caustic about the speed and manoeuvrability of the Jonker-Tanker, was forced to his own words (a 7-course meal) as Christiaan demonstrated what running between the wickets is all about. On being bowled by Hunt, he returned to the pavilion (have we mentioned the new clock yet?), asked what he had scored and promptly announced his 37 to be a -RATHER NON-DESCRIPT SCORE-.

Taylor may have been dropped once, maybe twice (including one stunningly suicidal attempt round the corner by Dave Askew) but he judged his innings of 81 perfectly. He went through the gears, building the team run rate from 3 per over in the 6th, 4 in the 12th, 5 in the 18th right up to 6 an over in the 30th. His partnerships of 69 and 71 with CM-T and Jonkers took the V&A to 179 for 7 at the close. It could have been more if it were not for Hunt, Ally Spry and the increasingly style-focussed Poser bowling tidy spells.

Steph, not Nicky, had laid on a proper English cricket tea with the moistest of cakes and the most crust-less of cucumberbatch sandwiches. The full entourage of T&CF WAGS and munchkins appeared from nowhere to brighten up the afternoon, but did not bring their usual fine weather this year. Feck, it was cold doing the scoring.

A target of 180 off 30 overs was well within the Townies capabilities given their top 5 included James Hunt (hot off the back of back to back tons); the eminently capable Winters Bros., the extremely accomplished Spry and the downright raucous Ryan Dyer. But the Townies innings was sheer carnage. Hunt (4) sent a driveable Jonkers ball skyward. My, how we laughed as Ross Ashcroft minced around under it and took the catch. He tried the lark again later but made a complete tit of himself. Ally Spry (1) held back on a shot and popped up a caught and bowled chance. Christiaan was slow in the falling, but gravity allowed him to reach the ball as it reached him. I believe he was befuddled by his useless trouser-support mechanism (his favourite trouser retention solution is a pair of braces).

The Winters Bros. (G-11 & O-4); and Dyer (top scorer with 14) played all round straight ones. There were wickets for TP-G, Louis Jacot, Rob Taylor and our wizened yeoman seamster Roger Smith. At 56 for 9, the 8-year old Charlie Hunt weebled out to the middle to show his errant Father how to bat. He knows what he is doing. He did not thrash around like his top order colleagues. He mixed sound defence with well-judged attack, batting twice as long as his Father. He was robbed of a longer innings when bowled by a quicker one from our new Patrick Cobb, Nasty Nick Emley. [Comparison is based solely on Nick now joining the Cobb in taking the wickets of wide-eyed juniors, colts and infants. The difference is that Nick does not relish dashing the dreams of young players in pursuit of better bowling figures*].

The best wicket to fall was that Old Gem, the Miss the Catch to get the Run Out. Simon Strickland had hit TP-G hard to Rob Taylor at deepish cover. Rob had no chance of catching it, but put in one of his customary theatrical dives to get a finger to the ball. He dives theatrically for all catches, even the dollies, in a blatant attempt to con his teammates out of the Catch of the Year award. Strickland was simply stunned by such athleticism and ambled about till he was run out.

Man of the Match? Too soon for young Charlie Hunt. Too obvious to give it to top scorer, Rob Taylor. But Jonkers. My, oh my. Jonkers just keeps taking wickets. 3 of the best for 9 this match. His non-descript 37 took just 7 overs. He could not buy a run last year, yet has 57 this year (CM-T has 68 and Taylor has 93). At this rate he might achieve the thrilling double of 100 runs and 10 wickets in May.

I am offering 12 bottles of home-made cider and a pack of Fruit Gums to first player to score 100 runs and take 10 wickets for the V&A this season.

*Emley heads the bowling averages having bowled 1.3 overs, 1 maiden, and taking 1 wicket for 1 run. Just saying. Not implying. (NP-G?)