V&A XI: TOM BIRD, LACHLAN NIEBOER (SKIP), MO, DAVID PITLARGE, ILIJA KRUNIC, CHRISTY K, TOM P-G, CHRIS M-T, ENZO NICCOLI, JASPER ARNOLD
A REALLY LOVELY DAY with one or two surprises. Lachlan (skip) asked Tom Bird to bowl. This was either charity or madness. But Lachlan said that ‘although he got carted, he always has a wicket in him.’ Tom was reluctant to bowl because, unlike Keir Starmer, he knows his limitations. He can boast major assets: swashbuckling batsmanship, expert knowledge of Burgundy, a missus who caters superbly. Steff’s lunch was perfect, chicken something or rather and some cous-cous à la Islington; and for tea ‘lemon drizzle cake with delicious cream in the middle of it’ (L. Nieboer).
At lunch I made the point that in life we need certainties, for mental balance: Germany wins on penalties; foreigners are funny and don’t play conkers. We have a collective vision of Cliff Richard, and of our Vice President John Major, a grey man in grey underpants. Then Cliff Richard and Sue Barker canoodle, ditto Major and Edwina Currie, and all is turned upside-down. Bacchus, I said, are a delightful bunch who come and lose gracefully every year. A reassuring certainty. Or they did lose until 2025, when for some perverse reason they won, which completely shattered our equilibrium. I urged them, for the sake of our sanity, to return to losing ways. Did they?
We batted first, Christy and Pitlarge D. opening. The bowling was good, the pitch wasn’t (and the outfield was uncut). But our batters (gender non-specific) were equal to the vagaries of bounce. Scoring at a steady 4 an over they reached 58 when David was bowled, having just survived an appeal for caught behind. The keeper, an ebullient chap, appealed excitedly, convinced that Pitlarge had nicked it but Lachlan, umpiring, heard nowt and David is not the sort of lawyer to cheat. He stood his ground while mayhem ensued. Bacchus are a nice bunch and many of them calmed down.
Mounsey-Thear and Tom Bird came and went but when Lachlan joined Christy he upped the rate to 6 an over with some splendid boundaries (no mean feat with the grass so long). We reached 159. Christy carried his bat and ‘was the star of the batting’ as Nieboer commented.
We opened our bowling with Nieboer and Krunic, the Trueman and Statham de nos jours. Tom Bird’s observation of our attack was that ‘Lachlan (3 for 3 off 4) was far too good for their top order, Tom P-G bowled with real panache and CMT (2 wickets, both bowled) had it looping round corners.’ Tom P-G (3 wickets), back from retirement, ‘bowled superbly’ said Lachlan and so did new man Mo (I wicket). They threatened when Glanvill, their No. 4, smacked sixes and fours to all boundaries but Mounsey bowled him (for 42) before he threatened to unbalance our expectations and win. Bacchus, ever tactful, lost with grace and were all out for 112. We can now return to calmness, to certainties, to ‘the England of long shadows on cricket grounds, warm beer, dog lovers’ (Major) and ‘old maids bicycling to holy communion through the morning mist’ (Orwell).
Our skipper had a very good day and added that Jasper (new thin version) should be commended for keeping well – ‘he now has quicker hands’. And that The Crown at Pishill should also be commended. ‘Drinks at The Crown, à la the old days, were superb. Once they open up the main pub, worth considering going back there regularly. Closer, tucked into the hills, good atmos.’ Apparently Jonkers, the bookseller, approved and he is a man of taste and discernment, as his cellar and corduroys confirm.
