V&A XI: Lachlan N (C), Mark Maskic, Christy K, Adam J, Nick C, Jasper A, Shok, Ilija K, Dominic Scott, J Waddington, C Sandeep
‘What do they know of cricket who only cricket know?’ (C.L.R. James, Beyond a Boundary)
A mere observer of cricket, passing by Stonor late on Saturday and watching flannelled fools standing in a field, would note the score, 27 for 8, and deduce that the batting side were fucked. He would walk on. But he would not only miss a tense denouement; he would miss so many signs beyond cricket, beyond simple stats. The trestle tables spoke of a lunch of incomparable quality, an Italianate feast of colour and taste, ‘curated’ by Chiara Pitlarge and her non-playing hubby David, who assumed the role of skivvy. He had one thing to remember – to bring the Greek salad she rose early to prepare. He forgot it. He looked abject, rightly so. I promised I wouldn’t mention his failure again; cock-ups, like Adam being bowled by a 9-year-old girl, should remain in the past.
An observer might miss the intricacies of village cricket, the mélange; how it is not just about winning or camaraderie or wearing florid caps from smart clubs with ancient lineage. Or throwing balls at windy batsmen (batters). Or raconteurs raconting. They are all part of the mix, as is the view and the sun and beer afterwards. But the excuse of a day in the country is playing cricket and this proved an exceptionally beautiful day and fitting end to a jolly season. The story of the game is simply told.
We batted first in a game where there could be three results: win, lose or draw. We didn’t start well. Chetan was bowled second ball. James whacked a few and then lofted one to mid-off. Mark came in and showed his class immediately, with proper strokes for a series of boundaries until holing out, for 27. Enter Jasper who, after looking confident, was perhaps harshly adjudged LBW. We seemed in trouble. But Nick Constantine upped the rate with a brisk 15, before Dominic struck a couple and then was caught off the slowest ball ever seen at Stonor for 2. But enter our skip Lachlan, who, together with Shok (38*), added almost 100 runs before Lachlan’s stupendous innings of 59 – with nine 4s! – was ended when he surrendered his wicket. Our total was 189. Pretty hefty considering the outfield, and that the good people of Littlewick (the village where Adam Chataway lives) had some young players who might struggle. Adam was scorer, and disturbed by my talking at him, so 189 is an estimate.
Littlewick did struggle – Lachlan (I wicket) and Ilija were too accurate. Bowling was uniformly excellent. But it was Nick Constantine (4 maidens, 2 wicket maidens!) and Christy who did the real damage, with 4 and 3 wickets respectively. One catch was memorable. A witness to the feat, awestruck, described the balletic moment: James Waddington KC, at square leg, ‘leaped like a salmon or blue marlin breaching the waves, in defiance of gravity… the ball was high and wide but I plucked it from the air with my left hand…’ (JW).
After 19 overs, Littlewick were 27 for 8. And they had, according to the rules, to bat for another 15 overs. No chance, according to Paddy Power and spectators (Annette and Sava). But Littlewick dug in. And refused the endless tempting balls lofted up in the clear Chiltern sky. It was this sort of situation that cried out for an N. Bird behind the stumps, with a stream of distracting filth. But nothing dislodged the Littlewick barnacles, and they ended their innings on 53, unbeaten. A splendid draw, splendid day, splendid end to the season. England held on for 45 minutes with 10 men against Mexico in the World Cup, quite a feat, but Littlewick held out for far longer against a much stronger side than Mexico, who can’t play cricket for toffee.
Our annual cricket dinner will be held at Boodles on March 17. I will not mention Adam’s sad record against girl bowlers or David’s wally performance as commis chef.
Nick Constantine, who was actually present at the end of the game unlike Nicky Bird, writes:
“James Waddington took a remarkable catch at square leg off Constantine… backpedalling down the hill, staring straight up into the sunshine, he managed to pluck the ball out of the air with one hand whilst losing his balance. More remarkable still was his gyrating belly-dancing to celebrate. Littlewick Green went from 22-1 to 28-8 in the space of seven overs after tea. Constantine took 4-10 from 10 overs, and at one point had figures of 4 overs, 4 maidens, 4-4 and was on a hat-trick. It wasn’t to be. Kulasingham took 7-3 from his 9 overs. BUT – the rearguard action of Littlewick Green skipper Louis, and Patel Sr., was quite something. They blocked out 18 overs whilst the sun set, battling in the dark (facing Lachlan for some of it) to secure a truly extraordinary draw.”
