V&A XI: C. Jonkers (c), N. Constantine, C. Mounsey-Thear, T. Bird, D. Pitlarge, A. Pitlarge, A. Jacot, J. Arnold, M. Shenfield, Lakki, Vijay.
Somebody, playing their first game at Stonor, asked me recently what the criteria are for those teams fortunate enough to garner an invitation to play at the Park. My immediate response was: ‘hollow legs’. Glib, I know. But I have thought about it long and hard since. We value affability over ability. It helps if you know which end of the bat to hold. It helps if you know that one mustn’t discuss football during the cricket season. It helps if you wear white pads and a collared shirt. But none of these (except the latter, perhaps) are hanging offences.
The men of Raedarii CC are both able and affable. Their leader also produced not one but two magnums of champagne to contribute to the luncheon table, which is more than enough to get you invited back. Many of them are Cambridge alumni, but we won’t hold that against them. It was rather amusing to see the sombre looks on some of our batsmen’s faces as they padded up, sneaking covert glances at the amount of CUCC kit on show. Were we to face an onslaught? Perhaps.
Jonkers, recently returned from his annual ‘My Family and Other Animals’ jaunt to Corfu, won the toss and decided to have a bat. Despite the vagaries of the pitch this season, it remains a ‘bat first’ sort of occasion. Joe Tetlow loves a chase, but he’s engaged now so maybe he’ll grow out of it.
D. Pitlarge and Bird opened, putting on 41 for the first wicket. Pitlarge glides the ball into gaps for his runs, whilst Bird flicks the ball through leg and slaps the ball through the offside with aplomb (whilst looking the other way). A decent start against opening bowlers offering pace, bounce and movement. Bird was bowled by Griffiths, and I went in. Things looked to be going well, and several boundaries followed in short order. Callaghan then sent a couple of balls whistling past Pitlarge’s nose off a good length. I sensed that we might be in for some short stuff. I was right. Or at least, I ought to have been. Playing back, preparing to pull the ball into Stonor Park, I was most surprised to hear the ball clattering into the base of the middle stump. Undone by a scuttler. It’s a cruel game. 75-2.
75-2 became 82-5 in the blink of an eye. Pitlarge, Vijay and Arnold all falling in a flurry. Fighting for breath, we took lunch before things could get any worse: the next man due in, Mounsey-Thear, was also catering and had a tea towel over his shoulder, rather than a bat under his arm. Common sense, and the promise of cold champagne, prevailed.
Lunch was a Bacchanalian idyll under the shade of our newly favoured tree. Mounsey-Thear, a true Man Friday, somehow manages to do childcare, catering, cricket and everything in between all at once, and still has a smile on his face. A marvellous spread of roasted chicken, salads, cheeses and more sated the weary. I forget much of what was discussed, but some airtime was given to the better watering-holes of Notting Hill. Radio Bird was turned on.
Raedarii picked up where they left off at the resumption, taking quick wickets to leave us teetering at 121-7, with ten overs still to bat. Enter Lakki, making his debut for The V&A. Much of what happens at Stonor is memorable, but only a few moments pass into folklore. The scorer didn’t count the balls, alas, but Lakki’s 53 looks like this:
4, 6, 6, 4, 6, 6, 1, 4, 6, 4, 4, 2 // caught & bowled, MacGregor.
Pure theatre.
Jonkers and A. Pitlarge saw us through to the end of our overs, with the skipper biffing one mighty six into the road. And he did it in a wide-brimmed hat to boot, which is vaguely Churchillian if you ask me.
202-9.
As we finished, so we started. Jonkers and A. Pitlarge opened the bowling and troubled the batsmen from the off. Both were unlucky not to pick up a wicket or two, and it took Mounsey-Thear’s guile to break the partnership to leave Raedarii 34-1 after 11 overs. The batting was cautious, and the bowling was tight. Lakki dismissed the obdurate Kirathanan for 45, and I took a couple in the 20th over to leave Raedarii reeling at 90-6. When D. Osborne clipped me to A. Pitlarge at mid-wicket I thought we had the game done and dusted. But it was not to be. Blame the sunglasses, Alex… it was hardly going to be a turning point, after all.
Well, it very nearly was. 72 runs were added off the next seven overs, with Griffiths providing able assistance to the now fluent Osborne. To his credit, A. Pitlarge came back into the attack and broke the crucial partnership. Special mention to Adam Jacot for taking a difficult catch at fly slip. My heart was in my mouth as the ball went up, but it needn’t have been. Those close to Adam will attest to this, and it is my moment of the season to date: with the ball safely clasped in hand, Adam was heard to say, with gravelly satisfaction: “Caught the bugger!”. He did indeed.
A direct hit from yours truly to run out Callaghan, and then a deflection from Jonkers to run out their last man at the non-strikers end brought the match to a close. Raedarii were all out for 185.
An awful lot closer than it might otherwise have been, and a very satisfying win against a charming opposition.
We decamped to The Wine Farm, our new spiritual home, and enjoyed sparkling wine among the sunflowers. We clearly did a good job because we received an email the next week asking us whether we’d be there again the following weekend: turns out they needed to bring in more stock to accommodate us.
Hollow legs, indeed…
