THE LONDON ERRATICS lived up to their name. Last Wednesday theypronounced that they were a mite short of the eleven players that traditionalists regard as the conventional number for a cricket team. They were five. Any chance of getting a few more by Saturday, we asked? No. They were too busy, too old and too injured, that was their maximum. V&A stalwarts pitched in and found them some decent cricketers and in the end we played nine against nine. It worked rather well apparently (your correspondent was ill and off games) despite initial fears that the day was going to be a bit Michael Mouse. Among The Erratics regulars was a ten-year-old boy with all the natural reticence and bashfulness of Shane Warne.

Skipper Bowden elected to bat. Roger Smith was back from Oz and had lost nothing of his zest or eye, despite rumours of ill-discipline down under. He scored a calypso 92 not out with his customary flair and power. Martin was out controversially caught behind, yet you would not have known from his grace and dignity as he trudged to the pavilion that he had not hit the ball. Adam got 30 or so, others contributed to our total of around 200. One of their bowlers, Ward, got 7 wickets, a record this year, with the pitch giving nothing to the bowler.

Lunch was provided by Sarah Jenkins, returning to duty after Bird N’s recent catering attempts, and included a change from ham and salami – a pie! Albeit with traces of ham in it….It was not a warm day so Sarah buggered off before the tea things had been washed up (!). Her excuses for absence over the last few weeks have been her husband’s birthday, a dinner party in Cornwall and now inclement weather. All rather worrying.

The Erratics fared poorly at the crease. All our main bowlers were in the wickets and in the end they were out for 130, which would have been even more meagre without their opener scoring 60. Nick Emley took the Bird role behind the stumps and, I gather, did extremely well. The contrast with my performance last week was noted. Skipper Martin Bowden voiced the hope that Emley and Chris’s friend Olly will become V&A regulars. We need a few more reliable players of a certain maturity, who are not seduced away by the mud and ooze and dope of Glastonbury.

The next game is not until Sunday July 10, when we play the Thebetons. They are a pleasant bunch but understandably cocky after two or three wins against us. Please let Sarah know soonest if you can play. There was an incident a year or so back which still rankles. The Thebeton wicket-keeper, a fat teenage oaf, caught a ball he thought I’d snicked but I was nowhere near it, so I didn’t walk. ‘Call yourself a gentleman!’he shouted. I pointed out that I had never called myself a ‘gentleman’, no-one had ever accused me of being a ‘gentleman’. He then called me a ‘c*nt’ which was nearer the mark.