V&A PLAYERS:  A Taylor, N Emley, A Jacot, R Morris,  A Jones, T P-G, R Taylor, C M-T, R Ashcroft, C Jonkers, J Langley, B Hales

Given the shenanigans with the previous couple of oppositions, it was a relief to find ourselves with a game against some of the good eggs of our fixture list. The Legends, as is proudly emblazoned on their score book, were founded in 2004 by the urbane Matt Simmonds, and are a team who approach the game with a sense of fair play and general joie de vivre which has been sadly lacking in recent matches.

Having had the ignominy of cancelling a match through lack of numbers, Rob Taylor marshalled his troops early and by Wednesday announced we were quorate. I thought this a trifle rash as some of the more flaky members of the V&A are not above pulling out at the last minute on the most flimsy of pretexts. Far from being short, however, Rob arrived (late) with an extra so we had twelve whilst the opposition had but ten. Adam Jacot was on (brief) tenterhooks as the potential sacrificial lamb to play for the opposition but common sense prevailed and we played twelve with allowances made in kind rather than in person. As it happens, Adam’s contribution (two overs for 17 and DNB) was more help to the opposition that to his own team, but he lends gravitas and is good for team morale.

It was to be a day of floorless sunshine so the toss was important as no one likes to field in the midday heat. We lost it and soon found ourselves searching for the ball in the undergrowth as the Legends’ openers set off at a canter. So gung-ho was their approach that we wondered if they had reversed the batting order. Before long one of them holed out to mid-off but the other continued in the most extraordinary way: mostly swinging and missing (including all six balls of one Jones over), interspersed with lusty blows to leg. As a bowler of a compassionate nature, I felt compelled to advise him that he might have greater success if he hit more than the occasional ball and those he did hit did not all go the same place. For some reason he took this amiss, but in any case took not the slightest notice and continued on his merry way until bowled by Tom P-G for 59. Ogram, their number three, in contrast, had looked a stylish player before edging one from Andy Jones to the waiting gloves of Ashcroft. Lunch was taken at about 80-3 from 20 overs.

I am growing tired of eulogising about the quality of the lunch and tea week after week. This competitive catering has to stop. The tireless Megan Ashcroft was responsible for the latest spread of chicken curry (particularly good) or pasta bake, with an assortment of breads, salads, radishes, potato wedges and sundry delectables. There was a lot of talk of LMS, which I took to be the London, Midland and Scottish Railway company. I was mistaken: it stands for Last Man Stands and appears to be Ealing’s answer to the IPL, in which the Taylors play. Tom P-G does not, but it still seemed to be responsible for him doing a passable impression of one with a raging hangover.

After lunch the Legends continued much as before but whilst looking largely untroubled their batsmen where never able to cut loose because of some tidy bowling and tight fielding. Much of the credit for this should go to Rob Taylor, both for his sensible manipulation of the field and for his own efforts as he flung himself hither and yon after the ball, saving a hatful of runs in the process. The Legends eventual score of 168-5 was solid, but eminently achievable on a flat wicket and fast outfield.

The start of the V&A innings was eventful: the first over contained three wides, a boundary and the wicket of Ashcroft, who surprised everyone by edging the ball to the wicketkeeper. The second over saw Rupert Morris get himself in a tangle trying to pull a ball which kept low and departing lbw. Andy Jones hit two fours before he too succumbed to the gentle bowling of Hackett and at 33-3 the V&A were beginning to totter. In such times of strife one needs a batsman of solid technique and unperturbable temperament; one who can steady the ship without running it aground. Sadly the V&A doesn’t possess one, so we made do with the sight of Nick Emley’s ‘thou shalt not pass’ forward defensive. It was a shot played rather too often for the tastes of some of the onlookers and some Taylorish barracking ensued, eliciting a withering stare from the batsman. I had my back to the rowdy element, but I can only assume they adopted the collective sheepishness of schoolboys having inadvertently spoken out of turn to the Headmaster. The fielders, meanwhile, looked on bemused at this inter-team heckling. At the other end, Chris Mounsey-Thear was digging in. He is currently in a rich vein of form having scored a match winning 90* last week and had announced his arrival at the crease with an imperious six over midwicket, but was now watchfully seeing his way to tea with the score on 94-3 from 20 overs.

Emley was smartly caught and bowled by Simmonds shortly after tea for a well-made 46 and Langley went wondering and found on his return, rather like Bilbo Baggins whose relatives had sold all his belongings, he had been stumped. CM-T persevered, trying nothing rash but doing just enough to keep up with the rate, when having survived several kamikaze Emley short singles earlier in the piece, he ran himself out for 70 with but 15 required from three overs. Was there to be a twist in the tail? Alas for the Legends, the brothers Taylor had put themselves down the order and proceeded to biff the remaining runs with an over in hand.

And so to The Golden Ball, the favoured fair weather watering hole, because of its garden and because they’re pleased to see some twenty thirsty cricketers, unlike some local hostelries. The others are missing a trick, just ask the enterprising landlord of The Ram at Smithfield in 1668. Trade was slack, but he’d seen that the local inebriates seemed to enjoy the newly popular game of cricket so he leased a neighbouring field to stage matches, and was never short of custom thereafter.