Nicky Bird

After the horrific ending to last week’s match at Turville, it was nice to return to the serenity of Stonor, with no blood on the pitch. Stonor is more Quentin Crisp than Quentin Tarantino.

We were 11 on Saturday, not 12 or 13 as is our wont. They were 11. A traditional game in an idyllic setting. England at its best, puffy clouds, sun, pleasant company plus Adam Jacot, a delectable tea, a good pitch prepared by the doyen of Turville Park, John Hancock. All a far cry from the horrors of Calais, the M20, swarms of migrants in the boot of my Passat, Grexits, and Jeremy Corbyn.

The Jaguars were nine but nine fit young butch men. No chance of running 5 to them. A token Dutchman, Wortman, hit a run although I would take ours, skipper Jonkers, on past performances. They won the toss and batted.

Our opposition, The Cricketers Club of London, are well known to the V&A for it was there, 40 years ago, we had our first annual dinner dance. A disaster. Not just because the food was dreadful but because we had a guest speaker, the Surrey and England spinner Pat (Percy) Pocock, whose speech was embarrassing.

As usual we were 12, but I am a peripheral figure these days, due to age and – on Saturday – a nasty ear infection which causes a problem with balance, and I was happy to spend time schmoozing the tea lady.

The 39ers are a very pleasant bunch, blending youth with youth. Actually they had roped in a local Oxfordshire chap in his 50s, but he was not in the true ringer class. They were not that strong, their star bowler Suva having buggered his shoulder, and they had a long tail that included our own Martin Bowden (playing for the 39ers to make them 11).

The Hemmingford Hermits were founded a year after us, and named after a pub in North London where the founders got drunk. They still do, but in their own homes. Many of the original members are now too infirm or gaga to make it to Stonor but their indomitable skipper, Terry Blake, still bats and captains with authority, although he no longer bowls his (very) slow tweakers, which was always a welcome bit of light relief.

V&A PLAYERS: Roger Smith, Tom Bird, Christiaan Jonkers [Skip], Jago Poynter, Andy Taylor, Rob Taylor, Nick Emley, Louis Jacot, Adam