It was a lovely day at Turville Park. Deer gambolled and sheep did what they do. Nick Emley won the toss and elected to bat, a controversial decision that proved unwise, but did not seem so at the time, particularly as some of us needed to prepare the BBQ. Nick was bowled first ball by S. Fraser, a portent of what was to come. Suva came in and walloped a four and looked in command. A nice hard cut to point seemed destined for the boundary when Robbie Lawson suddenly awoke and dived to his left and caught it. A stunning catch and it rather turned the game because Suva looked set for a ton.

Adam limped in. To say he was not match fit would be like calling a stiff a bit under the weather. But you can applaud his pluck and that he stayed to see off some good overs from Stuart and Scott [both very good bowlers], but he was bowled by Robbie, rather meekly, going back to the quicker ball. Which is exactly how Dennis was bowled. To ring the changes Bowden was bowled going forward to a straight one from Scott.

In fact everyone failed except Sean [26] and Mooro [19 not out, with some hefty boundaries]. We were all out for 94, our lowest score ever I think. I whacked a ball sufficiently hard that it had 4 written all over it, until the bastard bowler’s hands got in the way.

Youth’s innings started badly when Olly Bamber was caught LBW by Dennis, but then things improved with a stand of nearly 50 by Scott [46 not out] and Darren the Aussie. When Darren was out, bowled by Sean for 16, Robbie came in and with four swift boundaries, including the highest 6 yet recorded, passed our meagre total.

Our fielding was not so much pathetic as decrepit. At one point someone, possibly our skipper, suggested that fielders ‘walk in’ as the bowler ran up, a conventional thing to do. But few were in the required state of physical perfection. Adam was propped up on the boundary fence, unable to move [something to do with his groin but you don’t want to know the details]. Peter Linthwaite had pulled a muscle and was stationary, or, more accurately, useless. Tony Bird considers it impolite or vulgar to move, except in a sort of lope. Tim Squires is not the nimblest in the field but did attempt an overarm throw. Chris Moore gave that sort of thing up many moons ago. Sean Mayana is a beacon of energy amongst these deadbeats.

If it was a truncated day due to our ineptitude and clapped out state, Turville Park is still a delight, but personally I prefer Stonor for its views and Steffan’s impeccable cleaning. Sarah’s BBQ was made tricky by the absence of spoons and spatulas etc. At Stonor we now have a bowling machine, which you can program to bowl fast, bowl inswingers and outswingers and, for a fee, no-balls.
Next Saturday we are back at Stonor to play Acme. Martin is our skip against his other team. Adam has, heroically, offered to play if needed despite his groin. I suggested that he might benefit from a runner but he says he prefers to bat without. I actually meant in the field.