V&A XI:Adam Jacot, Christiaan Jonkers, William Carpmael, Charlie Knight, George Jacot, Steffen Collings, Chris Mounsey-Thear, David Pitlarge, Alex Pitlarge and Ilija Krunic 

It has well been said that a village cricket match is won or lost, not on the field of play, but on the telephone in the days before the match.  A nuanced approach is required: cajoling some, bribing others whilst always being careful to circumvent any involvement of wives or partners who might be inclined to put the kibosh on a weekend’s cricketing.  The life of the 21^st century captain was made somewhat easier with the introduction of email as a ready means of communication, and more recently by the What’sApp.  Nevertheless, the tactics of team gathering remain just as important to a captain as field placement.  The V&A rotates its captains to varying effect, but it also has Adam Jacot, cricketing personnel manager extraordinaire, and it safe to say that without his efforts, supreme even by his lofty standards, no cricket would have been played at Stonor this Saturday.   We began the week with nine confirmed and seven possibles, but as the week progressed our confirmed became maybes and our maybes became nos, so that by Thursday we had about seven, roughly the same number as our opposition and with the likelihood of inclement weather on the verge of calling the whole thing off.

“Give me until 4pm on Friday,” said Adam.  So we did.  And by golly, it worked.  Adam is currently holidaying in Stonor to avoid the Notting Hill Carnival, so by knocking on doors in the village, he found an additional player (Steffen Collings), a series of phonecalls and emails yielded a couple more and by the end of Friday we found ourselves not only with a team of our own, but enough to bolster the flagging numbers of our opposition.

There was then the issue of weather.  Even Adam’s powers of persuasion cannot influence that, so I exhorted all players to arrive at 11am sharp so that we might begin at the prescribed time of 11.30.  By eleven we had five, by 11.30 was had nine and eventually began at midday, just as it always does.

The V&A had won the toss and decided to make first use of a spongy pitch.  Carpmael and Pitlarge snr. opened the batting and got off to a lively start, before Pitlarge demonstrated what you should do when you get a thin edge to the wicketkeeper.  Chris Mounsey Thear was next to enter the fray, which caused the scorer some confusion, deeming both batsmen to be of similar physique and thus indistinguishable.  They took to the bowling lustily adding 91 in double quick time, before Mounsey Thear succumbed to the wily Kulasingham and was bowled for 30.  Carpmael was now in full flow striking the ball with such ferocity causing young George Jacot, in the firing line as non striker, to fear for his life.  He took 42 runs of his last 14 balls to bring up a well deserved century from just 66 balls.  A spirited 37 from Alex Pitlarge, who was neatly caught off the last ball of the innings saw the V&A complete their 30 overs with 196-6 on the board.

Lunch, taken outside and lovingly prepared by that renaissance man, Mounsey Thear, was a delicious choice of ham or Spanish chicken with assorted salads.  The topic of forenames was raised, causing Adam to bristle defensively.  He feels, not without with good reason, that any personal information divulged to Nicky, is likely to be used against him at a later date.  I, for instance, once casually mentioned I had visited Antwerp in my youth and now he thinks it terribly droll to suggest I am Belgian at every possibly opportunity.  Today, as part of his customary post prandial speech, which usually falls just short of joviality and wit, but achieve effortless coarseness and offence, he described me as an ‘oddball’.  I asked David Pitlarge if I might have a case for slander, but he declined on the grounds that a, there are no ships involved and b, I might have a hard time proving it to be untrue.

No sooner had we digested our vittles’ and returned to the field, than it began to rain.  Gradually at first, and then more heavily, the wind whipping it into the faces of the players.  Alex Pitlarge, opening the bowling soon resembled a drowning rat and the ball was as tactile as a bar of soap.  But we persisted long enough to see the rain ease and witness a very promising spell of bowling from young Charlie Kight (2-13 from 5 overs), some utter garbage from Mounsey Thear (1-30 from 3 overs) whilst Chelsea Art Club squelched their way to 72–4 from 17 overs.  Alas, then the heavens really opened, washing out any prospect of further play.

Despite our best laid plans, the weather had the final say and no result was possible, though Mr. Duckworth or Mr. Lewis, if asked for their opinion, might have sided with the V&A.  Tea was taken in the gathering gloom and driving rain, followed by a brief sojourn to The Golden Ball, where Steffen regaled us with tales of the V&A of yore, where post match drinks would take place at the ‘big house’ in Turville Heath in an altogether more bohemian era.