BECAUSE OF SOME COCK-UP we were 13 – having struggled to find 11 for the last two games. In fact we turned 2 players down and one failed to get out of bed. And Linthwaite buggered off before our innings so we might have had practically two teams.

Rupert Morris was captain but was late – he had to turn back because he thought he’ d left the oven on (‘ Old men forget’ –Henry V). So I tossed with the Erratics’ skipper James Rivington and somewhat imposed a 30 overs match, because a) the forecast was iffy and b) some of us had to leave early and anyway most are incapable of fielding for much more. Long declaration games can be dull. I won the toss and elected to field, assuming batting would be easier in the afternoon (it wasn’ t). There were a few grumbles from the opposition who thought 30 overs niggardly but at the day’ s conclusion (around 6.30) they would have seen the sense in a pleasant day, with a leisurely lunch and tea (courtesy of Rupert and Sarah) with batsmen going for runs out of necessity.

The decision to field seemed justified when James was caught behind first ball (a De Caires outswinger. But this only brought in a very good player who scored a splendid 50. Although Adam, Dennis and Jake got wickets – and Adam also held a good catch – their innings was defined by a century partnership (‘ almost unprecedented for the Erratics’ said their captain) from their No.s 3 and 4 (Khawaja) batsmen. They ran brilliantly between the wickets, they sometimes ran 4 and ran 3 when we would struggle to complete 1. No chances went down, there was merely a likely LBW appeal rejected. I ran out Khawaja when he was on 49 and feel a bit of a cad.

Although at lunch they had only averaged about 4 an over they doubled that afterwards. They eventually reached 185. There were a couple of novel aspects to our performance in the field. Nixey bowled a perfect over, line, length and pace. Two balls on middle stump were only just flicked away with a lucky cross bat. Then he was taken off. Andy Fraser was sitting in the pavilion as 12th man when Adam Jacot shouted to him to remove some dog shit which was menacingly sitting on the square by Adam’ s toe. Adam suggested, with a commanding air, that Andy get a scooper. And Andy did. With but the merest whisper of a grumble. Throughout the match Andy was a picture of restraint and decorum.

Our innings began promisingly with the ever willing Nixey opening with Adam, who started briskly and kept the run rate ticking over while James played and missed a few. Adam was bowled for 24 (by spinner, and author, Richard Heller who’ s fictional Harry Bear, leader of the Fur Play Party, will be standing in the Henley by-election). Jake came in but possibly shagged out by a late night soon departed. Andy played nicely for a quick 16 but it was Dennis, hitting 4s and 6s imperiously, who threatened the Erratics total, but on 27, when we were 133, he had a little rush of blood (concerned about the run rate) and was stumped by Khawaja (an excellent keeper). Our innings then fizzled out some 30 runs short. But James Nixey had batted with real power – with 5 memorable fours stroked though the covers – for a personal best 42 which anchored the innings and gave us a chance. He has more bottom this season, in every sense. The only incident of note was a controversial ‘ no ball!’ shout from umpire Rupert Morris for a beamer to Dennis, who had charged down the pitch thus perhaps contributing to the ball’ s waist height. A fielder at long on thought Rupert’ s was an incorrect call and said so, but possibly he didn’ t use the words ‘ that was an incorrect call in my humble opinion, Umpire’ . Anyway, vexed, Rupert called him – I think –‘ a pillock’ which is not a word that the courtly and urbane Morris would normally use. But Rupert pointed out that he had called ‘ no-ball’ , thus in a Descartian way, it was a no-ball, because the act of an umpire calling ‘ no-ball’ deems it to be. “I call ‘ no-ball’ , therefore it is.”

The Errarics are always a delight because they play the same sort of game as us, with a mixture of youth and age, although they stop short of our incontinent best (not a reference to Patrick Cobb). Usually no team is quorate without one irritating pain in the arse (to add to the complement of disabled and gay), but they don’ t seem to have one. Perhaps, to ensure inclusiveness, they’ d like one of ours.