THE DAY STARTED with some difficulty. The Club President had eloped to St.Tropez in search of his adolescent idol, Brigitte Bardot. She is now well into her 70s and may not have long left before getting a chance to meet him. However, he had selected a team in advance, although hadn’ t troubled to check whether the players were available. As a result, Martin gallantly rang around and lined up ten of us. The weather forecast was dire and it wasn’ t until 10 a.m we knew we were “on”. Driving down through thunderstorms this looked optimistic … However, we were promptly off the mark at 12.15, with theCaptains insisting on the full 40 overs a side. At the best of times, this stretches some of the more mature members as well as those – like Rob Noble – with a dinner and new girlfriend to entertain (incidentally, her name is Susan: she will shortly be introduced at Stoner, but thought the excitement of watching Rob bat in the rain was not a sufficient attraction). The Chelsea Art Club were – as always – led in style by David Maddocks, who proudly demonstrated that the Magenta stripe on his blazer was as pure as ever.

We were put in to bat and Noble and Fraser started rather well under the dual burden of seeing off the new ball, and hanging around long enough to ensure that more batsmen had arrived. 27- 0 after 9 overs looked rather good: however, this had progressed to 31 – 2 after 12 with Fraser getting a snorter off a length which he played down to gully, and Chris Moore getting a first ball that was much too straight. Dennis de Caires and Will King then prevented further excitement before an (excellent) lunch, during which time it rained virtually non-stop.

When hostilities were resumed, Dennis and Will progressed well before Dennis – who was warming up nicely – whacked a long-hop to mid-wicket. A yard either side and it was a definite 4 but he found the only man for miles around. Tommy Bird then joined Will for the best stand of the day, confirming the benefit of the V&A yoof policy. Usefully, Tommy has no resemblance to his father in that he can both run and hit a ball. He and Will then dominated the bowling, although Will’ s sluggishness between wickets and inability to run more than 2 at a time suggested that passing 30 has taken its toll. Their Captain went for the jugular and put himself on but got hammered to all parts and his 2 overs provided the necessary acceleration with 23 scored. A couple of other spinners also got whacked around.

In the end, the opening bowlers returned and Tommy and Will carried on before running themselves out exhausted for 52 and 70 respectively. Barracking from the pavilion (“bring back Maddocks”) which emanated from the direction of Rob Noble, was sadly ignored, but we finished with a reasonably respectable 217.

There followed an excellent tea which deserves a report of its own. Lucinda provided, inter alia, homemade cheese cake and lemon sponge, the balance of opinion was evenly divided but the quality and freshness set whole new standards. Future caterers please note.

After tea, Dennis and Martin bowled well, keeping the scoring rate down to manageable limits. Statistical analysis of their innings is rather tricky in that your correspondent didn’ t get a copy of a score book but a few wickets fell and Chris Moore came on for an excellent 8 over spell, ripping his spinners in all directions.

Great concern had been expressed that the team would suffer from the absence of the President behind the wickets. However, Fraser stepped across from first slip and proved simply magnificent. His lithe athleticism reminded many of the younger Alan Knott, but considered opinion suggested he was more in the Bob Taylor mode: modest, unassuming and technically correct. He took what looked to be an excellent catch off Dennis but it transpired the ball had – apparently – merely brushed the pad. There were no byes, although the score book records several (these should, of course, have been called wide and further training on this point will be necessary at our next Umpiring Clinic). Sadly the support bowling wasn’ t great. Olly Betts managed – to put it mildly – to keep the batsmen guessing. He was a bit more accurate from around the wicket. The star of the show was Freddy Janssen: he managed to bowl off the wrong leg but still found a decent length and line. It really is a sign to the nation’ s youth that if a Swede, brought up in the dark half the year and learning to play tennis in his free time, can get the ball in the right place 5 times out of 6 every over – after a ten minute warm up in the nets – then it’ s mindboggling that no-one under 30 seems able to do so. Not that your correspondent could be described as a grumpy old man or even an old fart, but it’ s hard to see how we will face the global challenge from China and India if our young people are not taught the eternal virtues of a high left elbow when batting and the importance of length and line when bowling.

Freddy also took a wicket! This was possibly the first on a Saturday from a wrong-footed Swede at Stoner but Wisden is being consulted. Their batting continued rather well and they stayed with the scoring rate without ever being truly dominant. Will King came on to bowl and was clearly still recovering from his exhaustions with the bat and Lucinda’ s excellent hospitality. Despite bowling quite well they decided to whack him around and got quite close to the target quite quickly. The Captain looked to James Nixey but he was unable to bowl given his ‘ Glen McGrath’ problem. It’ s not often that Nixey is compared to Glen McGrath: there are many differences including the fact that the latter has over 700 test wickets and bowls almost every ball to hit the top of off-stump. By contrast, Nixey hasn’ t and doesn’ t. However, he had succeeded in injuring himself by stepping on a cricket ball which, for some reason, he keeps on the stairs at his house.

Martin brought himself and Dennis back and there was a chance of a late break-through when Dennis got a good wicket and might have had more: however, at some stage both Martin and Chris Moore dropped reasonably simple chances, although Nixey, balancing on his one good ankle, managed to hold a skier at mid-on that the slip cordon had offered 10-1 against. The wet ball and constant drizzle, allied to the encircling gloom and Rob whingeing on about being late for Susan, didn’ t assist morale. We weren’ t lucky with some LBW calls which looked reasonably adjacent and in the end they got home with 2 overs to spare.

Overall a very good day and we were lucky to get a game among the showers. The Chelsea Arts Club remain unbeaten this season so are clearly a formidable force and the absence of the inspirational Club President obviously weakened the V&A. A special feature of the day was Lucinda’ s catering which suggested that the shrinkage in Martin’ s trousers from last season is not entirely the fault of the dry-cleaners. Fashionistas also noted that her impeccable service was provided in a pair of very well-fitting designer jeans, and competition this season for ‘ Rear of the Year’ may be more interesting than usual ….