Match Reports

Match Reports

25th July 2022
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V&A v. Wine Trade CC

This week the V&A hosted the Wine Trade. They were captained by Ed. Ed is from the Christiaan school of cricket and wears a white shirt along with the traditional whites. That is as far as the similarities go. Ed prefers a Charles Tyrwhitt number, whereas Christiaan is more of a TM Lewin man (echoing the decades’ old debate experienced throughout the professional services industry). I am personally ambivalent and wait for the best deal. For those that are interested, you can pick up 4 shirts for £139 at Charles Tyrwhitt at the moment and 4 for £140 in T M Lewin. I remember when I first started working it was 4 shirts for £120. Talk about inflation. Both teams were saved a raw vegan lunch (my wheelhouse) by Sarah Jenkins. Other staples were also preserved. Nick wore horrendous green shoes (which should be put in the bin), Lachlan batted 6 […]
7th July 2022

V&A v Star CC (rematch)

The original fixture, Top Knockers, pulled out. So we had a rematch against Star CC. Star CC are a great bunch and have saved us on a few occasions now, coming over from east London at the last hour. Even better, they reliably provide a full service, letting us win too.  The last fixture, in June, was won by the V&A, with Jonkers taking 3 wickets including 2 in 2 balls at the last, with Star needing only one run to draw. We had almost been defeated and needed to be at our best.  Tom Bird was skip and we bowled first, which is something of a novelty this year. Lachlan chose the Henley end and bowled with the wind, sending 4 overs down for 8 runs, most of which were overthrows. Adam Knight, 6 overs for 22, found a good length.  The scoreboard barely moved. Derewlany was behind the […]
3rd July 2022

V&A v Royal Household X1

Our opponents this week were Her Majesty’s Royal Household, one of the revered (or inconvenient depending on how you look at it) away games that pop up in the V&A fixture list a few times a year. It seems remiss to leave match report duties to the only full-time Australian in the V&A squad (although we were charmed by Robbie Lawson, ex-V&A regular, this week) when I’m probably the least qualified to comment on Her Majesty. We are part of the Commonwealth and Nicky Bird once said I was “rather couth for an Australian”, but the fact remains in the land of convicts, ruffians and great cricketers, the Monarch is dreadfully irrelevant in most circles. Don’t show this to Frogmore, I want to come back and play next year.  We were quorate with 11 by Tuesday surprisingly (+ guests). We have struggled to get an XI together most weeks this […]
20th June 2022
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V & A vs Bandits

Cricket was not made easy this week as the Saturday weather forecast wavered throughout along with the list of names on the team sheet. Effervescent skipper Joe Tetlow powered on admirably regardless, taking on double duty as skipper and caterer, with a willing bunch (of 9) in tow.  Our opposition, hailing from Battersea, returned to Stonor no doubt with proud memories of a victory last season. What we were lacking in numbers we hoped to make up for in (relative) quality.  Due to our low numbers and some possible early departures, Tetlow informed us he was hoping to bowl to avoid costly gaps in the field later on. He then returned from the ceremonial toss in the middle proffering a straight but slightly unwelcome batting motion.  Adam Jacot was quick to encourage Joe not to play the humble captain and bat where he wanted and quite rightly he put himself […]
20th June 2022

V&A v Chelsea Arts Club

Lachlan was skipper and not in a good mood. For an actor, I think he would make a poor poker player. He was stressed because his father was coming to watch (the first time in 20 years), and admitted as much.  We were playing the Chelsea Arts Club, one of our oldest fixtures. Jack NB, their former captain, has a loud dog which belies its size and is almost as badly behaved as Sarah Jenkins’ hound, which is saying something. Sarah was away, as was Nicky Bird. Jasper Arnold, who is traditionally a CAC player, but has played for the V&A on occasion, provided the catering (courtesy of his mother). Traditional buffet style, with lots of pork pies, a nod to his off-spin.  A declaration game was agreed, with a maximum of 20 overs after 5:30PM. We batted first and got off to a strong start, hitting 50 off the […]
10th June 2022

V&A v The Townies & Country Folk XI

  Last week is almost always my favourite of the English sporting summer for several reasons.  Many of our number were at the first or second day of the Lord’s Test Match (as, for that matter, were many of the opposition) and Joe Tetlow even went back on Sunday to watch Rooty do his thaaang and for England to hunt down that rarest of beasts: Victory, from the gnashing jaws of defeat. The other reason it’s a firm favourite is that The Townies & Country Folk XI are such a joy to spend the day with. We’ve touched gloves with some rum coves this season, but faith has been restored thanks to George Winters and his band of Merry Men (quite literally).    It was pissing it down when we arrived at Stonor. Pete & Tom of the Townies were early-ish and huddling for cover under the pavilion. I noted […]
18th May 2022
In the Clubhouse

V&A v Nomads

Digging into the archives, Rupert Morris wrote this in 2018: “The Nomads are a serious team, who have been going for more than a century and include several former first-class or professional cricketers…they have several overseas tours every year. Dennis de Caires arranged this fixture before his departure for Barbados, and warned Ross that he would have to pick a powerful team.” It’s amazing how times change, and how quickly. Rupert is now retired in France, Dennis in Barbados, and Ross in the wilderness. Lachlan is 40.  The Nomads remain a serious team. If no longer bristling with ex-pros, they are a wily looking outfit, sporting various club cricket tops and furrowed brows. They include, according to N Bird, a delightful chairman in Michael Blumberg. A timed game was agreed, with 20 overs after 5:30pm. They were put into the field on a glorious and cloudless day.  The V&A is […]
11th May 2022


  There is, I’m told, a pseudo-intellectual argument among classical melomaniacs that not a single piece of music penned between Bach and Stravinsky is worth it’s salt. That discounts Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert (actually that I understand), Wagner, Rachmaninov… the list goes on. Its equivalent in cricket is the immortal adage: ‘Win the toss and bat’. Absolute tosh. We live in the ‘Modern’ era of the chase. But the music line was fed to me at the lunch interval by CPW Jonkers, so there’s no wonder its tosh.    ACME have returned to the fold after a brief absence from our fixture card and the season is much the better for it. They, like us, have been around since 1975 and colourful veteran of the V&A, Martin Bowden, has been a talisman in their number for many years. They boast the first mother/daughter cricketing duo to grace the field at Stonor, […]
30th April 2022
In the Clubhouse

V&A v. The Bushmen

  Match reports are tricky. The rules are to be complimentary of the opposition; the tea lady; Stonor CC; and to say whatever you like about your teammates. The outstanding player on the day is usually exempt from writing them, for fear they will do their triumph a disservice, either by underplaying or overstating their contribution. Lachlan rarely gets offered the job. It is best left to someone who is a) reliably going to write the match report, and b) is worth reading. Hearing impediment, blindness and memory loss are no barrier, as Nicky Bird can attest to.   Ollie Marsh was meant to be writing this report, but he’s an accountant by trade, so it wouldn’t have been worth his time or ours (especially when we already have a scorebook). If it’s any consolation to Ollie, if not the expectant V&A, Jonkers still hasn’t filed his match report for […]
24th August 2021

V&A v The Chelsea Arts Club

  Kensington CC had pulled out of our original fixture, so we searched far and wide within the Royal Borough and invited the Chelsea Arts Club back. They had also been cancelled on, by a team called ‘The Butterflies’, which got me thinking about the butterfly effect. More on that later*.   The forecast was poor, but having squandered a few fair days this year, the dice was rolled and the coin tossed. Andy Jones put us in to bat, with Matt Wright and Christiaan negotiating five an over from the first half a dozen on a seeming greentop. Matt Wright had been performing at the Hundred just that week. He was playing the drums at half-time, not batting, and was out LBW for 13. Christiaan was also out LBW (though never is) for 12. That started a minor collapse. Constantine threatened his talents for one, bowled by Peake, a […]